New Year’s Resolutions

I’m not a fan, never have been. Honestly, I think I have made one every year for as long as I can remember. Lose five pounds, get my MBA, qualify for the Boston Marathon, or get more involved in the community. I have to say the only one on that list that I haven’t accomplished yet (ok, I could probably lose five pounds this year too) is the MBA. But I didn’t accomplish any of them because they were a New Year’s resolution. It was because I set goals. I know you are thinking “Kim, semantics, please, they are the same thing.” I would argue they are not. When I set a goal I create a plan to achieve it, a deadline for achieving and have a known outcome. To me a resolution is a just a fluffy idea that floats out there but as soon as the hard work of reaching that goal sets in – it quickly drifts away.

Now why on earth is a matchmaker writing about goals and resolutions? Think about how you became successful. One NYE did you decide you would become an attorney/doctor/banker? My guess is no. My guess is you had a vision of what you wanted, set a goal and put a plan in place. Which brings me to meeting the love of your life – it’s the same approach. Are you getting home late from work, gym, board meetings, etc and plopping down on the sofa thinking to yourself I am tired of doing it all alone. I don’t want to bring in 2011 by myself – I want to meet someone. A client said to me the other day he wished he could order a pizza and the woman of his dreams would deliver it. She would just knock on his door and the search would be over. It’s the male equivalent to a knight in shining armor appearing – it’s not going to happen. You have to get out there and meet new people. You have to put yourself out there. You have to work at it. Or hire a matchmaker.



happily,

Kim

Holidaze

I read recently that "stress and intimacy are virtually incompatible". 

Happy Holidays! This is one of my favorite times of year - I love the lights, the parties, and the gifts! I tend to be able to keep my stress level relatively low.  However, it took me years to figure this out and I realize that I am the exception not the rule.  The stress of the places you need to be, all the gifts you need to buy and frankly we are not out of the woods yet of one of the worst economic meltdowns since the Great Depression. Money may be a little tighter than in years past. All of this can wear on you and how you interact with your significant other.  Just try to keep it light and remember the new year is around the corner! Try not to take it out on your partner and really try to remember the spirit of it all...and when in doubt pour some bubbly and know "this too shall pass."

happily,
kim

Weekend Date Ideas for San Diego!

Just a quick list of date ideas for this weekend -

December Nights in Balboa Park

Ice Skating at Horton Plaza or The Hotel del Coronado    

Jerry Seinfeld - Live in Concert!

Bonnie & Clyde - La Jolla Playhouse

How the Grinch Stole Christmas - The Old Globe Theatre

Just a few ideas!! Remember to have fun & keep it light!

happily,
kim

The Break-Up

Now why you ask would a matchmaker decide to write about breaking up?!?!   It could be purely a numbers thing - they are more common then happily ever after. I am really not trying to be negative I am just saying that I have had to say "this is not going to work" or "it's not you, it's me" (kidding) more than I have said "this is it, he's the one" or even "I love you". Or it could be that I was inspired by yet another public break up on Sunday at the Chargers game (BEFORE the end of the game and they left the stadium and we have amazing seats!).
Whatever the reason, the fact of the matter is...they happen. In fact, Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn even made a movie about it called (oddly) The Break-Up. My point is EVERYONE can relate and no one is immune. Sunny & Cher, Princess Di & Prince Charles, Henry VII & Catherine of Aragon, Brad & Jennifer...the list goes on and on.

How not to do it -

If you have been dating for more than a few weeks, have the bollucks to do it live and not publicly!

Facebook - remember the man who left his wife via a status update.
Text message or Email
Post-it - remember when Berger dumped Carrie on Sex & the City

Now what?

Some would say this is where men & women differ. Guys head straight to a strip club or a bar with their buddies and the "incident" is never mentioned. Girls tend to surround themselves with their girlfriends watch romantic comedies, drink wine (or bubbly) and eat chocolate. They typically talk about it - mostly the friends tell her how great she is and what a HUGE mistake the guy is making or how INCREDIBLY miserable he is going to be.

I wish I had a checklist for this one but I don't - there is really no right way to do it, no perfect way to handle it (Fatal Attraction is not the answer) and there isn't really a timeline for when you will move on. Just know you will!

happily,
kim

First Date Convo's...

Some people LOVE first dates but they are not the majority.  I honestly can say I usually really enjoy them - I love meeting new people and learning about them. Knowing that I am in the minority I thought I would jot down a few ideas for those who might find it daunting...

I think there are a few key principles to keep in mind before I even start on my list:
a) Whatever the topic - keep it light!
b) Ask a lot of questions but this is not a job interview...show that you are genuinely interested but make sure you are also listening (I think this is the part some struggle with...).

Sample Topics -

• Travel
• Family, childhood, where you grew up
• Favorite restaurants in town (you could find a new favorite!)
• Ask about their friends and what they like to do in their free time
• Career

You can always try these unique conversation starters that make me laugh.

Dangerous Territory -

• Discussing past relationships.
• Showing too much enthusiasm with regards to marriage & children (wanting or not wanting them).
• Sharing too much information about your dysfunctional family.
• Getting into a heated discussion about politics or religion.

We all want to be a closer but fellas please...pay attention to the signals...

...happily, kim

The Nice Guy

Have you ever googled "an ode to the nice guy"? Probably not, but if you do, you will find pages of material, I mean, PAGES. And not just craigslist and you tube, I actually found a paper that was written for Wharton Undergraduate Journal.  Check it out, it's painfully true - http://www.stwing.upenn.edu/~jenf/writing/rant04.html

If you check out the November issue of Elle in the Ask E. Jean column - she bases her entire column on "The Nice Guy's Lament" (www.elle.com/askejean). She chronicles all of the guys we date instead, the dramatically wrong ones of course - jailbirds, drug users, cheaters, abusers. But what about the standard, run of the mill, jerk-off? I find those are the ones my girlfriends (Ok, maybe I would fall into this category as well) go for the most. The guy that just can't commit, or puts his buddies first always, or is so completely absorbed in himself that he never really pays attention to you.  The guys that are called out time after time in He's Just Not That Into You. They have it right, you know, he's not and eventually you figure that out. It may take bottles upon bottles of wine and more than one friend to painfully point it out but you do. And when you do - look out nice guy because another one has been converted.

My own little "Ode to the Nice Guy" - To the man who listened to me bitch all night about some other guy, who held the door and held my hand. Who came to my events just to support me, who drank or ate whatever I wanted because my day was that bad. Who knows chivalry is not dead and exactly what to say to make it better. I promise one day we all grow up and its nice guys we want.

And a quote I found that I especially like -

Women cannot complain anymore about men until they start showing better taste in them.
 -- Bill Maher

NEEDED - Singles that are serious about finding the ONE!

As many of you know, I have just launched my matchmaking business!  I really want to build my network of single, professional bachelors and bachelorettes in San Diego.  If you are serious about meeting someone - not just searching for "Mr/Mrs Right Now". Please sign up on www.lovehappenshere.com - I am offering a free consultation - "How to Meet the Right People in San Diego". As well as adding you to our database, you will receive invitations to exclusive LHH events (both seminars & mixers) and discounts for 2009 & 2010.

Don't miss out!!

...happily,
kim

Love Happens

I just saw Jennifer Aniston's new movie, "Love Happens", the other night (http://www.lovehappensmovie.com/).  I am no Roger Ebert, I promise I will not make any feabile attempts to give a review of the movie. My idea of a good movie is one with a happy ending.  I want the guy to get his girl, the plot to tie up nicely, I don't want to be disturbed for hours or days and in light of the upcoming holiday, I certainly do not want the bejesus scared out of me. I am a sap, a romantic, a girl and I LOVE a good love story. There is always a lesson...I thought I would share a few I gleaned from the movie.

1) Never make up a handicap to avoid giving a guy your number. First of all, it is tacky and really I should not have to explain any more.
2) Try something new. Jennifer seemed to always date guys that let her down. She had an image (musician) and when Aaron Eckhart's character arrived it didn't even dawn on her at first to give him a shot.
3) Be creative.  Seeing a concert in the bucket of a telephone repair truck; classic.
4) We all have baggage. Maybe not as dramatic as losing your wife and not attending her funeral but we all have something that tears at our heart. You have to determine if the person you love's baggage is something you can deal with. If not, move on.
5) Make a grand gesture. Walk into her flower shop (or insert here) and ask for her heart.

And of course remember that Love Happens :)

...happily,

kim

The Truth About Prince Charming...

If I know one thing is true it's this...prince charming isn’t going to ride up to your apartment, condo or house door. This isn’t how it works – no matter how many Jennifer Aniston movies you watch (Speaking of, has anyone seen Love Happens yet - ?)It isn't your fault, you have been trained since a child to think this way - thank you very much, Mr. Walt Disney. From a young age, we are programmed to believe that our prince will come - he will awaken us with a kiss or bring our lost glass slipper to our front door and, of course, live happily ever after. We are all guilty of wanting it to come this easily. But think about it, if he did, your butt would be on the couch, in yoga pants, with your hair on top of your head, a glass of wine in your hand and a bowl of popcorn in your lap. Surely, you would be watching something that I would find fabulous but I am not so sure he would find appealing.

Isn't it better this way? Think this through...you get yourself all dolled-up, you meet a friend for a cocktail, go out and do something amazing and there he is - doing the same amazing thing. Instantly, you have a similar interest, a connection. Sure it requires a tad more work but is there anything in life worthwhile that didn't require some effort? I love Sleeping Beauty and am incredibly happy it worked out for her - but just in case your life isn't scripted so well...you may want to get out of the house.

...happily, kim

Dating Fun – The Beacon

The Beacon – as defined to me - is when you reach that pivotal point of happiness in a relationship that you will COMPLETELY be taken aback when one or multiple ex’s try to sneak back into your life. Now, I know you all (or at least my women readers) are thinking back to that chic flick classic Someone Like You (Ashley Judd, Hugh Jackman) and Ashley Judd’s character, Jane Goodall’s new cow theory. The new cow theory is that all male species are in constant pursuit of a younger mate. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDhrhT2g9pQ) So I Googled beacon plus every type of dating word I could think of and came up dry. This theory is based purely on extensive discussions with my girlfriends over multiple glasses of wine – there is a slight chance it could be flawed but I have solid examples. Take my friend who a month out from her wedding day began receiving frantic phone calls and instant messages from “the one who got away” wanting to confess his love for her and that she really was the one for him. Another friend was a few months out from her wedding when multiple old flames began to text and call – some were just old “booty calls” and suddenly they had the urge to reconnect. What is that? What cosmic signal is sent out into the universe that has people thousands of miles away reaching out to old flames. People they haven’t spoken to in ages. Admittedly, I thought this a myth until about nine months ago - when it happened to me. The Facebook messages, phone calls, emails all from ex’s that I haven’t talked to in YEARS. Some were innocently just “checking in”. Some tried to get things going again. One even wanted to see if I missed us – be warned he was “Engaged” on FB the very next month (we call these “bullet’s dodged” and there will be a whole series of blogs on them). I have to tell you – I had a great laugh and didn’t give it a second thought. Maybe it’s a good way to check to make sure you are in a healthy relationship. Maybe it is a nice way to boost your self esteem. And please note, my examples are all of men tracking down women but this doesn’t mean that it doesn’t work both ways. Send me stories of ex-girlfriend Beacon stories – I would LOVE it!



As proof, that I am not pulling this out of thin air, think back to Season 5 of Grey’s Anatomy. Izzy Stevens was finally over Denny Duquette’s tragic death and her love loss (http://abc.go.com/shows/greys-anatomy) . She had moved on to a steamy and exciting romance with Karev – she was happy and life was amazing. THEN BAM! Denny Duquette pop’s back in like a pimple on your wedding day. And that my friends is what we call The Beacon.

…happily,

kim

To Call or Not to Call

To Call or Not to Call –

I may be dating myself here but who remembers Jon Favreau’s great dilemma in Swingers? How many days do you wait to call after a great date? (Scroll down to “How long do I wait to call?” (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117802/quotes) My answer and any dating coach, matchmaker or person with an ounce of common sense will tell you the next day. Call, email, text, Tweet, Facebook, whatever you need to do but let her know you had a good time and you want to see her again. In fact, let her know that night. At the end of the date, just tell her how much fun you had and that you would like to see her again. Keep it simple, light, fun – with an air of confidence. Now having said this, I really don’t recommend calling on the way home – leave a little time for her to actually want to hear from you! Calling the next day to say what a great time you had and to ask her out again is perfect.

Now, ladies, the key here is to actually answer the phone, reply to the text or Tweet or Facebook in a timely manner. This, in case you need it defined, is about 24 hours.

There is a distinct difference between the chase and playing games. At this point in our lives, let’s leave the games to the kids.

…happily,
kim

Meeting someone new - Keep it Light!

A couple of nights ago, I was out with a girlfriend having wine at the bar at Roy’s. We were on the harbor so most people at the bar were either here for business or lived on a yacht (tough life) - so it seemed. At any rate, a gentleman began chatting us up and it was a fun conversation until he began to tell us a story about how he almost died when he was 23. He went into grueling details about this motorcycle accident and the impact it had on his life. The mood completely changed and neither my girlfriend nor I really had any desire to keep the conversation going after that. It wasn’t that we didn’t care or didn’t think it was a horrific experience for him – it was just that it had been a long day of meetings and we really wanted to unwind. It got me thinking about another friend of mine that seems to have trouble meeting people – she is dead serious all of the time.


I am not implying that you should change your personality. I am just suggesting that a little light-hearted conversation goes a long way.

Keys to success when meeting someone new –

1) Ask the other person questions about themselves – be engaging.

2) Make light-hearted (inoffensive) jokes.

3) Tell relevant & brief stories.

4) Make eye contact & smile.

5) Have fun!

…happily, kim

Love Like A Four Year Old...

This past weekend was my best friend’s wedding – so many displays of traditional love! A cute little chapel, a beautiful white gown, gushing bride and groom and a half drunken wedding party… but as wonderful as it all was, none of it struck me the way these two four year olds did. An adorable little blonde with big brown eyes and her nails freshly manicured. A handsome young brunette with his hair disheveled and a super wide grin. There was chemistry the instant they met – shy at first until their parents assured them it was ok. They soon were holding hands everywhere they went. The instant one walked into the room they immediately asked for the other one and then would run up and hug each other. My favorite moment was the bus ride home. The little boy was already seated when the little girl got on the bus with her mom. He looks at his dad and tells him he has to go, he runs up to her, sits down next to her and drapes her arm over his shoulder. They both grin from ear to ear, whispering secrets to each other and ride home that way. This is how we should love - with our hearts on our sleeves and worries at bay.




…happily,
kim

Top 5 San Diego Weekend Ideas...

Want to meet someone new or just get out of the house? Take advantage of the best time of year in San Diego - the tourists are gone but the secret is, it still feels a lot like summer out!! And the Chargers don't play until Monday so there's NO EXCUSE!

5) The Padres are in town this weekend - girls, there may be a male sportsfan or two.  It's the perfect time of year for a night game!

4) Brazilian Independence Parade & Street Fair - art, food, dancing - need I say more? Oh, Garnet Avenue, Pacific Beach, noon - six pm, Saturday.

3) ArtWalk on the Bay - At the Embarcadero Marina Park North on both Saturday & Sunday.  Grab or friend or head out solo (and meet a fellow aficionado) to appreciate some of San Diego's finest art, sculpture & photography! http://www.artwalkonthebay.org/

2) Sunday kicks off Restaurant Week in San Diego - make a reservation & try something new! http://www.sandiegorestaurantweek.com/

1) My favorite part about this weekend is that the beaches are ours again - soak it up!

Whatever you do this weekend, do not sit at home, you'll never meet anyone new that way!

...happily,
Kim

Mr Postman...

In Starbuck's this morning I started to sing-a-long, "Oh, Mr Postman, look & see if there's a letter in the bag for me".  If it's not ringing a bell, I'm referring to the Marvelettes version not Lily Wayne's.  What a great feel good song - I found myself instantly happier (could have been the steaming cup of joe but we'll assume not).   Then I started chuckling to myself (I'm sure at this point people are staring between the early morning spontaneous singing & random laughter) waiting for a letter - once the only means of communication - must have been torture.  Or is it worse now? Checking your work voicemail, your home voicemail, the cell - a text or a voicemail or anything really? Login - email, Facebook, tweet, something already! Does anyone get excited anymore when they check the mail? A friend of mine has a stationary business and often reminds us the lost of art of the written note and I have to admit I LOVE when I get letters. But I also love sweet voicemails, funny emails & even a nice post on my Facebook wall.

If you like someone let them know - whatever your preferred form of communication.

...happily, kim

And we're off!!!

It took me slightly longer than anticipated but am happy to report that we are open for business! Just in time for Jennifer Aniston's, highly anticipated new movie "Love Happens". I agree, it does!

All kidding aside, I am truly thrilled and hope you all will join me on this journey of enlightened blogs, entertaining tweets, and inspiring vlogs (video blogs, I just learned this term).  I also hope you will send all of your single friends my way so I can help them find happily ever after.

Stay tuned...next up...launch party!

And so it begins...

Albeit slowly...Patience I hear is key. My very first blog, hopefully, by this time next week I'll have a website for it. I wouldn't want my blog to be lonely. I have to chuckle to myself that I am worried about my matchmaking blog being lonely...
And so it begins, when I was in recruiting (or the dirty word "headhunting") I used to joke about what an amazing matchmaker I could be and now I've decided to give it whirl. Why not take all of those years of "social butterflydom" and put it to good use. Take a hobby and give it a storefront - isn't that the American dream? And so today my friend's, I am legit. Open for business - send all of your single friends my way - let's see if I can find their +1.

Just give me one more week...