What's Love Got To Do With It

Yesterday was the first time I've been to church in YEARS, excluding Easter and Christmas which for some reason I don't really count.  When I lived in Encinitas I went to church nearly every Sunday.  Moved to East Village and suddenly I turned into some bar scene heathen.  I had the best of intentions to find a new church but six years later I realized I never checked that off my to-do list.  Why am I rambling on about church when my title CLEARLY has something to do with Tina Turner?!?!?!?

Because that was the subject of the sermon yesterday which I found oddly ironic and as a warm sign to my heart that this was where I was supposed to be.  On any given day "love" occupies a majority of my thoughts because it's my goal in life to help as many people as I can find it.  But lately and much more selfishly, it has been on my mind because I want to find it for myself.  Yes, maybe there is some truth to those who can't do, teach (as made evident by my math teacher girlfriend who sometimes screws up splitting the check or calculating days left until x-event happens).  However, I am not interested in some tragic story about a matchmaker who can't find love for herself. I want the happy ending as badly for myself as I do for my clients.  So as much as I was hoping for THE "Private Dancer" to come "rollin" through those chapel doors I was quite happy for a pastor who was celebrating 46 years of marriage to offer his advice and 1st Corinthians on Love.

I'm sure that even those of you who are not regulars at your local chapel, have attended a wedding or two that's recited 1 Corinthians 13.  I promise I will not attempt to be a pastor or become "preachy" but wanted to share what I learned I needed to work on in the hopes that it might help with your own path to finding love.

Patience - well I have none. I am ready damnit - I made up my mind and now would like for the stars to align and my future husband to please show up already.  I am pretty sure most can relate to being impatient. This will probably be a weakness I have to work on for the rest of my life.

Envy - this is a tough one to admit. I want what others have. I want someone to take care of me when I'm sick (or just had surgery). I want someone to go to the Farmer's Market with on Saturday morning. I want a running partner, a "plus 1" for all of the weddings I attend and mostly someone there for me to be my biggest fan. And I want to be all of these things and more for them.  The funny thing is I have all of these things - they are called, friends. But what is "envious" and difficult to admit is I want what my friends have. In order to love, I must let envy go.

And it will all be worth it because, "the greatest of these is love".

happily,
kim

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not...

You remember the game! You pull each petal off of a flower (ok, I think I might have used weeds but that actually just shows the quality of boys I surrounded myself with or where I spent my time) and alternate each pluck with "he loves me" and "he loves me not". The fundamental problem with this game is the mindset it puts you in.  You automatically rule your own emotions out.  Your focus should be on how you feel about him.  Think about it - that's the only thing you can control and clearly you know that or you wouldn't be playing these silly games.  Ok, I have fast forwarded a decade or two to adulthood.  We may not pick the petals off of our $7 Farmer's Market Daisies but perhaps even worse we harp on it.  Asking our friends over $12 martinis and mulling around the house reliving every last conversation and action. Looking for a sign of how he really feels. 

What should you be doing?  A) living your life, I am fairly certain you have way more important shit to get done today.  B) Determining how you feel about him.  Are you totally yourself when you're with him? Does he make you laugh? Does he make you a priority? Do you see yourself wanting to take trips together? Is there potential past 2am? Do you even want to stay up until 2am with him? Figuring out the basics of what you want and how YOU feel.

Now I am a fairly confident person and I would be lying if I said I hadn't caught myself doing this before (Ok, maybe recently. Damn, my need for over-sharing.).  It's easy to get excited and then start to worry you will be let down or worse have your heart broken. But I promise you, the most important person in your life is you and if you don't figure out what makes you happy then no one else will either.  So just chill the hell out, figure out how you feel and I promise you that your confidence will shine through and suddenly the last worry on your mind will be how he feels about you.

happily,

kim

LoveHappensHere on the Food Network - NEXT THURSDAY NIGHT!

For those of you that know me you might be laughing out loud at the fact that I would appear on the Food Network.  Believe me in the interview for the role I left out my lack of cooking abilities! I mean I recently realized that my oven doesn't turn on and have made zero attempts to fix! But when it comes to love and introductions we are back in my court or a more suiting analogy for the occasion - my soufflé comes out perfect every time.

Next week on the season premier of the Food Network's newest show Family Style, LoveHappensHere will host a speed dating event to try to help Jimmy find love and well...Joey wants to help his sister find love as well!  Joey serves up aphrodisiac appetizers and Melissa concocts a special sexy cocktail while we facilitate a night of introductions.

It's a night of fun not to be missed!!!
happily,
kim

Details of "Big Date" - 10:30pm ET/PT (OR 7:30pm PST if you have Food Network HD)
Business is slow at Tommy V's so Melissa and Joey Maggiore set up a speed-dating event to attract a young, hip clientele. Joey hopes the event will help his shy cousin Jimmy get lucky with the ladies. And, always the prankster, he secretly signs Melissa up for the event as well.

San Diego Weekend Guide - June 11, 2010

Just a few ideas to get out & meet new people in San Diego this weekend!

1) World Cup Coverage - Ladies hit a local pub & meet some sports minded, fun local guys - just remember not to start chatting them up during close matches or better yet - wait for a commercial!

2) The 30th Annual Firefighter Chili Cook-Off Padres Tailgate Party - Saturday from 12 - 4 - come support the MDA, eat some great food, have a few beers, meet new people AND it comes with a ticket to the Padres game!

3) Lucky 7 Match has a Singles Bowling Event at East Village Tavern & Bowl on Saturday at 5:00pm

4) NBA Finals - Sunday at 5:00pm head back to your local pub (ladies) for game 5.  Same rules apply here though!

Whatever you do - have fun & chat with someone new!

happily,
kim

Unattached? Enjoy Wine?

Join LoveHappensHere & 57 Degrees on May 26th at 6pm for a tasting of Ooh-La La wines & appetizers. RSVP to kim@lovehappenshere.com to reserve your spot now!  

happily, kim

"Love is in the Aire" - April 14th at 7:00PM

LoveHappensHere is partnering with Aire Urban Performance on April 14th for a work-out with a twist...come have cocktails & mingle with other like minded singles while getting your sweat on!

Last time was a ton of fun and we are super excited to do it again!

It's spring ... aren't you ready for your fling ;)

happily,
kim

Girls Guide to Getting Sexy Back...

It's Friday night and you're tired, it's been a long week but you have to rally. You have plans with your girlfriends or that cute guy you met at the gym.  But how do you go from blah to fab?

Just a few ideas ...

1) Pop in to your stylist on the way home and have your hair blown out.
2) Stop by the make-up counter at Nordy's and have your make-up done - I'm thinking fierce eyelashes.
3) Matching sexy, lacy bra & panties before heading out to happy hour.
4) Dance around your house to your favorite song - preferably naked or at least in your matching bra & panties.

5) Have a glass of bubbly while you're getting ready (I prefer to combine 4 & 5).
6) Wear a long string of pearls & nothing else while you're getting ready.
7) I know this sounds silly but I like to do a few push-ups before going out in a sleeveless top - makes me feel like I have Madonna's pipes.
8) While on the subject - exercise boosts endorphins, which makes you feel good, which leads to sexy. I'm a big fan of sweating once a day.
9) If you decide to stay in, pour a bubble bath and a glass of wine. You will be ready to go out tomorrow night.

10) Combine the pearls, lacy bra & panties and stilettos, grab your glass of bubbly and dance your heart out.  If you aren't champagne girl, don't forget the Champagne of Beers...does basically the same trick.


Whatever you do - have fun & smile.  happily, kim

Is Your Heart Half-Full?

Have you ever heard the expression "fake it, 'til you make it"? Early on in sales that was drilled into our heads and it's true for so many different areas of your life.  Really all it means is to be positive and confident so that people want to work with you or in this case, be around you.  We all have that friend (or some of us, multiple) that is a constant Debbie Downer - the person who always gets parking tickets, the printer jams on them, the mailman always delivers their mail to the neighbor. Nothing ever goes their way. The Negative Nancy that can turn a beautiful picnic on a sunny day, on a grassy hill, overlooking the ocean at sunset into a ant infested, lactose intolerant, grass is in my champagne & will that damn sun ever set picnic.  You don't want to be around those types of people...do you want to date them, spend the rest of your life with them? Right, so no one else does either.  I'm not saying you can't have bad days. I'm not saying you can't get pissed at some jerk that stands you up.  What you can't do - is harp on it.  Or carry it around with the belief that all men are jerks and you're too late you missed the bus...all the good ones are taken. 

Listen to me on this one - if you act like this, you will stay single. You might as well, get 17 cats, start making your own clothes and have a deal with Netflix that a new movie will arrive every Friday night.  Because you will most certainly be alone unless you find someone equally miserable & then you should run out get matching snuggies.

If you don't believe me you will surely believe the Millionaire Matchmaker - she mentions it in part of her new book and in an interview with LimeLife Blog.  She says essentially the same thing - you have to ditch the baggage. When you let it all go then your soul and your heart are open to love. 

If you really want proof read "Meeting your Half-Orange" by Amy Spencer (I HIGHLY recommend this book by the way) or really any book about optimism out there. 

Keep your heart half full & have faith...love will come.

happily,
kim

First Date Convo's...

Some people LOVE first dates but they are not the majority.  I honestly can say I usually really enjoy them - I love meeting new people and learning about them. Knowing that I am in the minority I thought I would jot down a few ideas for those who might find it daunting...

I think there are a few key principles to keep in mind before I even start on my list:
a) Whatever the topic - keep it light!
b) Ask a lot of questions but this is not a job interview...show that you are genuinely interested but make sure you are also listening (I think this is the part some struggle with...).

Sample Topics -

• Travel
• Family, childhood, where you grew up
• Favorite restaurants in town (you could find a new favorite!)
• Ask about their friends and what they like to do in their free time
• Career

You can always try these unique conversation starters that make me laugh.

Dangerous Territory -

• Discussing past relationships.
• Showing too much enthusiasm with regards to marriage & children (wanting or not wanting them).
• Sharing too much information about your dysfunctional family.
• Getting into a heated discussion about politics or religion.

We all want to be a closer but fellas please...pay attention to the signals...

...happily, kim

NEEDED - Singles that are serious about finding the ONE!

As many of you know, I have just launched my matchmaking business!  I really want to build my network of single, professional bachelors and bachelorettes in San Diego.  If you are serious about meeting someone - not just searching for "Mr/Mrs Right Now". Please sign up on www.lovehappenshere.com - I am offering a free consultation - "How to Meet the Right People in San Diego". As well as adding you to our database, you will receive invitations to exclusive LHH events (both seminars & mixers) and discounts for 2009 & 2010.

Don't miss out!!

...happily,
kim

Dating Fun – The Beacon

The Beacon – as defined to me - is when you reach that pivotal point of happiness in a relationship that you will COMPLETELY be taken aback when one or multiple ex’s try to sneak back into your life. Now, I know you all (or at least my women readers) are thinking back to that chic flick classic Someone Like You (Ashley Judd, Hugh Jackman) and Ashley Judd’s character, Jane Goodall’s new cow theory. The new cow theory is that all male species are in constant pursuit of a younger mate. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDhrhT2g9pQ) So I Googled beacon plus every type of dating word I could think of and came up dry. This theory is based purely on extensive discussions with my girlfriends over multiple glasses of wine – there is a slight chance it could be flawed but I have solid examples. Take my friend who a month out from her wedding day began receiving frantic phone calls and instant messages from “the one who got away” wanting to confess his love for her and that she really was the one for him. Another friend was a few months out from her wedding when multiple old flames began to text and call – some were just old “booty calls” and suddenly they had the urge to reconnect. What is that? What cosmic signal is sent out into the universe that has people thousands of miles away reaching out to old flames. People they haven’t spoken to in ages. Admittedly, I thought this a myth until about nine months ago - when it happened to me. The Facebook messages, phone calls, emails all from ex’s that I haven’t talked to in YEARS. Some were innocently just “checking in”. Some tried to get things going again. One even wanted to see if I missed us – be warned he was “Engaged” on FB the very next month (we call these “bullet’s dodged” and there will be a whole series of blogs on them). I have to tell you – I had a great laugh and didn’t give it a second thought. Maybe it’s a good way to check to make sure you are in a healthy relationship. Maybe it is a nice way to boost your self esteem. And please note, my examples are all of men tracking down women but this doesn’t mean that it doesn’t work both ways. Send me stories of ex-girlfriend Beacon stories – I would LOVE it!



As proof, that I am not pulling this out of thin air, think back to Season 5 of Grey’s Anatomy. Izzy Stevens was finally over Denny Duquette’s tragic death and her love loss (http://abc.go.com/shows/greys-anatomy) . She had moved on to a steamy and exciting romance with Karev – she was happy and life was amazing. THEN BAM! Denny Duquette pop’s back in like a pimple on your wedding day. And that my friends is what we call The Beacon.

…happily,

kim

To Call or Not to Call

To Call or Not to Call –

I may be dating myself here but who remembers Jon Favreau’s great dilemma in Swingers? How many days do you wait to call after a great date? (Scroll down to “How long do I wait to call?” (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117802/quotes) My answer and any dating coach, matchmaker or person with an ounce of common sense will tell you the next day. Call, email, text, Tweet, Facebook, whatever you need to do but let her know you had a good time and you want to see her again. In fact, let her know that night. At the end of the date, just tell her how much fun you had and that you would like to see her again. Keep it simple, light, fun – with an air of confidence. Now having said this, I really don’t recommend calling on the way home – leave a little time for her to actually want to hear from you! Calling the next day to say what a great time you had and to ask her out again is perfect.

Now, ladies, the key here is to actually answer the phone, reply to the text or Tweet or Facebook in a timely manner. This, in case you need it defined, is about 24 hours.

There is a distinct difference between the chase and playing games. At this point in our lives, let’s leave the games to the kids.

…happily,
kim

Love Like A Four Year Old...

This past weekend was my best friend’s wedding – so many displays of traditional love! A cute little chapel, a beautiful white gown, gushing bride and groom and a half drunken wedding party… but as wonderful as it all was, none of it struck me the way these two four year olds did. An adorable little blonde with big brown eyes and her nails freshly manicured. A handsome young brunette with his hair disheveled and a super wide grin. There was chemistry the instant they met – shy at first until their parents assured them it was ok. They soon were holding hands everywhere they went. The instant one walked into the room they immediately asked for the other one and then would run up and hug each other. My favorite moment was the bus ride home. The little boy was already seated when the little girl got on the bus with her mom. He looks at his dad and tells him he has to go, he runs up to her, sits down next to her and drapes her arm over his shoulder. They both grin from ear to ear, whispering secrets to each other and ride home that way. This is how we should love - with our hearts on our sleeves and worries at bay.




…happily,
kim