First Date...Don't Forget the Basics...

It never hurts to brush up on your first date etiquette before the big date - putting your best foot forward and helping you score the one! 

Cliff Notes (do they still make them?) version -

•        Keep it simple and short – if you like each other that’s why there’s a second date.
•        No cursing (usually it’s my guys that do this one and it’s the f-bomb that I get complaints about),    no talk about the ex’s and don’t get into any conversation that is too serious.
•        A drink or two is fine but don’t get sloshed.
•        The guy should set up the date and pay (and the girl should do the obligatory “reach”).
•        Flirt, have fun and go into EVERY date with an open mind.
•       Turn off your Blackberry, iPhone, Android, iPad…whatever your digital addiction is...
•        Save sex for when you are monogamous. 

So You Got Dumped...

That totally sucks.  Now get over it.  Move on.  Enough already.

Insensitive? Nope, just tough love. I've been there and know what you're going through. In fact, we've all been there.  I mean really, it only takes one time to get it right? So chances are you are going to get hurt in love...My goal is for you to learn from it, move on and finally meet the ONE.

It would be incredibly insensitive of me to end this without giving you my two cents, so here we go -

1) Stop putting your ex on a pedestal. He/She was NOT perfect and definitely not as wonderful as you thought or they wouldn't have left you.

2) Stop texting/emailing/Facebooking/calling/dropping by/happening to be in the same place at the same time.

3) Throw out the stuff that reminds you of them.  Take down the pictures. Stop torturing yourself. Being an emotional cutter isn't going to get you on the path to new love!

4) Get closure.  I think sometimes it's easier to say "we need a break" then "we need to break up".  But that's confusing.  It's like when Bentley left Ashley on the Bachelorette, he said this was "..." - he didn't mean that, he just wanted her to stop freaking crying. And, honestly, am not sure I blame him. I couldn't deal with all of that crying and I'm a crier.  Having said that, absolutely, NOT the right thing to do. If you know it's over just be honest.  You owe the other person that much.

5) Get out and do fun stuff!!! The best way to get your mind off it all is to keep yourself busy.  Go out with your friends, get back in the gym, join a new group - whatever gets you going and makes you happy. Go on a trip.  Just do it!

6) Think of all of the bad stuff. I have a hard time with this because I tend to focus on the good in people and for some reason, tend to take the blame for why relationships end.  If you really feel like you did something wrong, recognize it and don't do it in the next one. So remember, when you start to miss them just think of the crappy things he/she did.  You will realize how much better off you are.

7) Most importantly - You have to make yourself happy first.  You can't put the pressure on someone else to make you happy. It just won't work, you will be needy and dependent.  Once you are happy with you then you will be happy in love.

8) If you've been together for a long time or have gone from relationship to relationship maybe it's time to consider what I call "Cupid's Cleanse - 28 Days to a Healthier Heart".  A great way to hit the "reset" button on your love life and a hell of a lot better for you than cayenne pepper and lemon juice!  Email me at kim@lovehappenshere.com for a free copy of it.

happily,
kim

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not...

You remember the game! You pull each petal off of a flower (ok, I think I might have used weeds but that actually just shows the quality of boys I surrounded myself with or where I spent my time) and alternate each pluck with "he loves me" and "he loves me not". The fundamental problem with this game is the mindset it puts you in.  You automatically rule your own emotions out.  Your focus should be on how you feel about him.  Think about it - that's the only thing you can control and clearly you know that or you wouldn't be playing these silly games.  Ok, I have fast forwarded a decade or two to adulthood.  We may not pick the petals off of our $7 Farmer's Market Daisies but perhaps even worse we harp on it.  Asking our friends over $12 martinis and mulling around the house reliving every last conversation and action. Looking for a sign of how he really feels. 

What should you be doing?  A) living your life, I am fairly certain you have way more important shit to get done today.  B) Determining how you feel about him.  Are you totally yourself when you're with him? Does he make you laugh? Does he make you a priority? Do you see yourself wanting to take trips together? Is there potential past 2am? Do you even want to stay up until 2am with him? Figuring out the basics of what you want and how YOU feel.

Now I am a fairly confident person and I would be lying if I said I hadn't caught myself doing this before (Ok, maybe recently. Damn, my need for over-sharing.).  It's easy to get excited and then start to worry you will be let down or worse have your heart broken. But I promise you, the most important person in your life is you and if you don't figure out what makes you happy then no one else will either.  So just chill the hell out, figure out how you feel and I promise you that your confidence will shine through and suddenly the last worry on your mind will be how he feels about you.

happily,

kim

What The Marines Taught Me About Love...

Now I know where your minds are headed right now but steer back on course...I was actually in the Marine Corps (not working my way through a Fighter Squadron).  This is my own littler version of "All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten" but with regards to love and relationships and I guess I learned these lessons a few years later. I'm here to tell you that what I learned in the Marines, has made me a better partner.

There were three words drilled into your head from day one, "Honor, Courage & Commitment".  The Marine Corps' Core Values.  It might seem trite to compare creating a warrior to creating a good partner but think about it...you want someone that will have your back, that you can trust without question and that you have a bond that never falters.  Right?

So let's take a closer look...

Honor - never lie, cheat or steal or tolerate those who do. To have respect for others.

Courage - mental, moral and physical strength. What gives you the strength to do what is right.

Commitment - the spirit of dedication and determination.  It's what binds us together.

So if you looked at your significant other like a Marine looked at his "job" I think we might all be better off for it.  Putting them before yourself, never compromising what is right and being fully committed to the relationship. It's really quite simple!

Now how do we get there? Bootcamp for love to follow - stay tuned!!! Everything from "making your rack" to "PT'ing" every morning.

happily,
kim

Unattached on Valentine's Day?

The BIG day is fast approaching and I know anxiety can run high.  New couples are wondering how big of a deal to make of it.  Veteran couples are wondering how to make this year stand out from year's past. But singles are either one of two things 1) glad to not have to deal with the drama or 2) painfully aware of their status.  The truth of it is though, it's just a Hallmark holiday.  And although I love the pink & red heart decor that comes with the big day (not to mention the candy) it really is just another day.  I would think of it like this - if you are in a relationship use it to celebrate that fact.

If you are "unattached" don't sweat it.  And remember it's on a Monday so you could blow it off all together. However, if the idea of going home to Spot and watching The Bachelor makes you want to pour rubbing alcohol in your eyes. Then get moving! Hit the gym after work, go for a run, meet a friend for tennis or golf. Go out for happy hour with friends or even dinner but skip the romantic restaurants. Whatever you do remember:
1) Look your best
2) Be bubbly, friendly and outgoing
3) Don't get sloshed and cry about all of your failed relationships
4) Flirt with strangers
5) Have a good time

A more active approach -

Run a 10k - The Valentine's Day 10k on Coronado is an inaugural event but I'm positive with 1500 runners an after party at McP's Irish Pub and your's truly as a sponsor it will most certainly be a success.  They say natural rush of endorphins is a sure way to attract a mate and wouldn't you want to meet someone who is active?

Volunteer - giving back always makes you feel better, boosting your confidence and thus making you more attractive. And what's better than delivering flowers and making other people's Valentine's Days special?
http://www.volunteersandiego.org/HOC__Volunteer_Opportunity_Details_Page?startURL=HOC__Volunteer_Opportunity_Details_Page%3FId=a0CA0000007zeSHMAYA@A&id=a0CA0000007zeSHMAY

Oh and give your friend or your mom a Valentine.  It just makes you feel good :)

Happy Valentine's Day!
Kim

Like bath water for sex...

"Like water for chocolate" is not only a famous movie and novel but also a saying that is sometimes used in Spanish-speaking cultures to describe passion - sexual or anger. The saying derived from using water vice milk to make hot chocolate - when the boiling water hits the chocolate it melts.

Where am I going with this? Other than just loving the phrase I created a spin-off geared towards relationships. I have to give my friend Colleen credit for coining the analogy though...she said to me the other day, getting back together with an ex is like bath water. You remember the bubbles, hot, steamy water and how wonderful and relaxed you were. You remember your muscles loosening and all your worries melting away. You felt clean and refreshed when you stepped out of the tub. Later you might long for that feeling again and go back. Only to find that the bubbles have turned into soap scum on the side of the tub and the water is is cold and uninviting. Like bath water for sex, you go back and it's already gone.    

When you break-up there are things you will miss - reading the Sunday paper together on the deck, having someone for your other season ticket, that person who gets your sense of humor or watches the same shows.  The hot passion and amazing sex. What you rarely think about in these moments is what was wrong, what didn't work, the soap scum on your tub.

If you are thinking of going back, you have to ask yourself, "has what was broken been fixed?". If the answer is no, then think "like bath water for sex".

LoveHappensHere on the Food Network - NEXT THURSDAY NIGHT!

For those of you that know me you might be laughing out loud at the fact that I would appear on the Food Network.  Believe me in the interview for the role I left out my lack of cooking abilities! I mean I recently realized that my oven doesn't turn on and have made zero attempts to fix! But when it comes to love and introductions we are back in my court or a more suiting analogy for the occasion - my soufflé comes out perfect every time.

Next week on the season premier of the Food Network's newest show Family Style, LoveHappensHere will host a speed dating event to try to help Jimmy find love and well...Joey wants to help his sister find love as well!  Joey serves up aphrodisiac appetizers and Melissa concocts a special sexy cocktail while we facilitate a night of introductions.

It's a night of fun not to be missed!!!
happily,
kim

Details of "Big Date" - 10:30pm ET/PT (OR 7:30pm PST if you have Food Network HD)
Business is slow at Tommy V's so Melissa and Joey Maggiore set up a speed-dating event to attract a young, hip clientele. Joey hopes the event will help his shy cousin Jimmy get lucky with the ladies. And, always the prankster, he secretly signs Melissa up for the event as well.

Mr or Miss Manners...

Being from Virginia I feel it my southernly duty to ensure that my clients, friends and yes, I am on my best behavior.  Offering guests something to drink when they visit. Saying please and thank you. Chewing with my mouth shut. Politely eating my food.  Now I am the first to admit after a long run or two many hours without food I might be guilty of shoveling my food in like it's the last supper.  However, this behavior is NEVER acceptable on a date.
A few nights ago my girlfriend, Denise, and I were having dinner at one of our favorite East Village spots, Cafe Chloe, when we noticed a couple sitting next to us.  Of course, I was nosey wondering if this was a first date and how it would go! I noticed that the gentleman ordered an appetizer for himself and then I noticed that he was shoving giant pieces of bread in his mouth with reckless abandon. Talking with his mouthful and never once offered her a bite.  She demurely sipped her wine and chatted away.  Could this really be happening? Denise and I were floored, appalled, even! I looked away because we were bordering on being rude ourselves.
Two days later Denise & I were in our elevator and the culprit got it - with take out. My thoughts exactly...you should eat at home :)

happily,
kim

Flipping the Switch

Ladies this one is for you...it's about the transition from work to play.  I know many of us like to think that our same drive and passion that makes us successful professionals will make us successful in all areas of our lives.  This simply is not the case. The same tactics that make you a leader in the boardroom will not make you a leader in the bedroom for lack of a softer way of putting it.  I know your ambitious and have had to make it in a "man's world" - many of us own our companies, are successful attorneys, doctors, busy executives or any number of occupations that are not considered "traditional women's careers". But the fact of the matter is, unless you would like to date/marry a "beta man" you will have to learn to "flip the switch".  Now before I go any further there is NOTHING wrong with a beta man - typically the issue is they are not the men you are attracted to. And therefore you end up annoyed that the men you are attracting you are attracted to and vice versa. Now before I go any farther I am NOT suggesting you change who you are. I am simply suggesting that you tap into your softer side. Most of us - myself included - want the guy to be the guy.  So we need to allow him to be.  My suggestion is to figure out what relaxes you.  My best friend used to come home from work (she's a helicopter pilot in the Navy) and spend 20 minutes doing nothing. She watches Friends or flipping through a magazine until she was back to "normal".  I usually take my dog for a walk or go for a run.  I need the outside air to clear my head and hit the "reset" button.  You have to figure out what takes you back to that feminine place, your softer side, and make the time to do it.


The girl that wants to cuddle up on the sofa or hold hands walking on the beach.  I always recommend that people take a break in-between an after work date.  Maybe even meet a girlfriend for happy hour (ONE drink limit though) before heading out on a date. Decompress and become fun, flirty you again.  I also never recommend lunch dates - most of us will be tempted to answer our phones or check our blackberries.  You just won't be able to completely turn work "off".  Remember guys don't want to date their buddies or business partners. They want to date that fun, sexy girl that makes them feel like a million bucks! So make sure you are the best version of her!
happily,
kim

San Diego Weekend Guide - June 11, 2010

Just a few ideas to get out & meet new people in San Diego this weekend!

1) World Cup Coverage - Ladies hit a local pub & meet some sports minded, fun local guys - just remember not to start chatting them up during close matches or better yet - wait for a commercial!

2) The 30th Annual Firefighter Chili Cook-Off Padres Tailgate Party - Saturday from 12 - 4 - come support the MDA, eat some great food, have a few beers, meet new people AND it comes with a ticket to the Padres game!

3) Lucky 7 Match has a Singles Bowling Event at East Village Tavern & Bowl on Saturday at 5:00pm

4) NBA Finals - Sunday at 5:00pm head back to your local pub (ladies) for game 5.  Same rules apply here though!

Whatever you do - have fun & chat with someone new!

happily,
kim

Unattached? Enjoy Wine?

Join LoveHappensHere & 57 Degrees on May 26th at 6pm for a tasting of Ooh-La La wines & appetizers. RSVP to kim@lovehappenshere.com to reserve your spot now!  

happily, kim

Art Alive in San Diego

One of my favorite events of the year kicked off tonight - Art Alive.  I've been to the Special Edition Culture & Cocktails before but never the Opening Celebration & it was exquisite. I am a romantic to my core - I think white lights, candles & stars are amazing. I love fresh flowers & pretty settings.  I believe in happy endings & cheesy romantic comedies - it literally is what moves me through my day. And tonight when I walked up the red carpet and into the big white tent I looked up and there were stars on the "ceiling".There were floral arrangements EVERYWHERE - pink & purple lights on a beautiful white setting.  When you walked into the rotunda if you didn't close your eyes and just breathe you were doing yourself a disservice. The overpowering smell of lilies knocks you off your feet - it's a smell that lightens my heart. Then you open your eyes and you see the most romantic setting you could ever imagine. It's what the heart feels love should look like - perfection. Soft white roses, daises & lilies everywhere.  I thought to myself - someone has to get married here tonight. It is, simply put - beautiful. My dear friend, & Associate Director of Development at SDMA, Sarah Beckman said there HAS to be at least has to be at least one proposal. And as I looked around the room I thought to myself if neither a wedding or a proposal is going to happen tonight, I can find solace in the fact that there are couples all over the room that are completely falling in love.  Maybe it's Bonnie & Hans that were celebrating their 10th anniversary tonight or maybe it's a guy seeing a girl in a new light for the first time.  But if there were ever a night, tonight was the night that love was in the air.
Thank you San Diego Museum of Art ... you have outdone yourself!

Generally Speaking...

Generally speaking...

...you shouldn't curse on the first date & you definitely shouldn't drop the "F" bomb.
...the guy should pay on the first date, but the girl SHOULD do the "courtesy reach" (See Rachel Greenwald's Tips)
...you should keep your first date simple & brief...if you like each other there's always the second date :).
...the guy should set up the date ("whatever you want to do" is not acceptable) & make it geographically closer to his date than himself.
...you should go into every date with an optimistic attitude - you just never know!

happily,
kim

Spring Cleaning...

My girlfriends and I have always had this ridiculous rule.  If you are single at Thanksgiving you might as well stay single through Valentine's Day. It's just easier - no awkward gift buying scenarios or introducing to the family way too early.  The one thing that is sane about this logic is it was the perfect prep for spring cleaning. 
Spring Cleaning? 

I thought this was a blog about dating and relationships?  Exactly! This is the time to get yourself ready to meet someone new! I'm talking the down time you need to shed any emotional baggage.  Get it out of your system.  Next task...spice up your look.  Hit the mall and update your look. Sometimes it just takes a few key pieces to jazz things up a bit. OR if you need it - do the major overhaul. It's worth it.  Do a once over - are your roots showing? Eyebrows in disrepair? Coffee & wine got your teeth looking less than glimmering? Haven't had a facial since Bush was in office? When was the last time you broke a sweat? I am hoping it was before you morning coffee - no? Well get out there! Work out, go shopping, book the appointments! Just knock it all out. You'll feel great!
Now you have your new look, a good break from dating (a "cleanse" if you will) & the confidence to go meet that someone great.  Don't forget to smile!


...happily,
kim

"Love is in the Aire" - April 14th at 7:00PM

LoveHappensHere is partnering with Aire Urban Performance on April 14th for a work-out with a twist...come have cocktails & mingle with other like minded singles while getting your sweat on!

Last time was a ton of fun and we are super excited to do it again!

It's spring ... aren't you ready for your fling ;)

happily,
kim

Girls Guide to Getting Sexy Back...

It's Friday night and you're tired, it's been a long week but you have to rally. You have plans with your girlfriends or that cute guy you met at the gym.  But how do you go from blah to fab?

Just a few ideas ...

1) Pop in to your stylist on the way home and have your hair blown out.
2) Stop by the make-up counter at Nordy's and have your make-up done - I'm thinking fierce eyelashes.
3) Matching sexy, lacy bra & panties before heading out to happy hour.
4) Dance around your house to your favorite song - preferably naked or at least in your matching bra & panties.

5) Have a glass of bubbly while you're getting ready (I prefer to combine 4 & 5).
6) Wear a long string of pearls & nothing else while you're getting ready.
7) I know this sounds silly but I like to do a few push-ups before going out in a sleeveless top - makes me feel like I have Madonna's pipes.
8) While on the subject - exercise boosts endorphins, which makes you feel good, which leads to sexy. I'm a big fan of sweating once a day.
9) If you decide to stay in, pour a bubble bath and a glass of wine. You will be ready to go out tomorrow night.

10) Combine the pearls, lacy bra & panties and stilettos, grab your glass of bubbly and dance your heart out.  If you aren't champagne girl, don't forget the Champagne of Beers...does basically the same trick.


Whatever you do - have fun & smile.  happily, kim

Is Your Heart Half-Full?

Have you ever heard the expression "fake it, 'til you make it"? Early on in sales that was drilled into our heads and it's true for so many different areas of your life.  Really all it means is to be positive and confident so that people want to work with you or in this case, be around you.  We all have that friend (or some of us, multiple) that is a constant Debbie Downer - the person who always gets parking tickets, the printer jams on them, the mailman always delivers their mail to the neighbor. Nothing ever goes their way. The Negative Nancy that can turn a beautiful picnic on a sunny day, on a grassy hill, overlooking the ocean at sunset into a ant infested, lactose intolerant, grass is in my champagne & will that damn sun ever set picnic.  You don't want to be around those types of people...do you want to date them, spend the rest of your life with them? Right, so no one else does either.  I'm not saying you can't have bad days. I'm not saying you can't get pissed at some jerk that stands you up.  What you can't do - is harp on it.  Or carry it around with the belief that all men are jerks and you're too late you missed the bus...all the good ones are taken. 

Listen to me on this one - if you act like this, you will stay single. You might as well, get 17 cats, start making your own clothes and have a deal with Netflix that a new movie will arrive every Friday night.  Because you will most certainly be alone unless you find someone equally miserable & then you should run out get matching snuggies.

If you don't believe me you will surely believe the Millionaire Matchmaker - she mentions it in part of her new book and in an interview with LimeLife Blog.  She says essentially the same thing - you have to ditch the baggage. When you let it all go then your soul and your heart are open to love. 

If you really want proof read "Meeting your Half-Orange" by Amy Spencer (I HIGHLY recommend this book by the way) or really any book about optimism out there. 

Keep your heart half full & have faith...love will come.

happily,
kim

My Thoughts On Valentine's Day...

I’ve only ever had one date on Valentine’s Day – EVER. I know this is a random and probably pathetic sounding confession but it’s true. I share this with you to emphasize a point – it is just a Hallmark holiday. It really means nothing! Wouldn’t you rather experience unexpected romantic gestures all year long? A random love note, breakfast in bed, flowers “just because” or my personal favorite a walk on the beach at sunset? There is just so much pressure on that day! Men dread it because they worry they can’t live up to their girlfriends expectations. Single girls dread it because it highlights the fact that they are single once again. I wish I was exaggerating – I have had a ton of women call me already panicking about the big day. I am more than happy to help but the first word out of my mouth is “relax”. This isn’t a final exam that we can cram for in the next few weeks. Your passing grade = Prince Charming. Finding the right person for you will take work and time and it will be completely worth it, I promise.

As for my thoughts on the BIG day…If you are in a committed relationship and this is the one day a year that you are doing something romantic for your significant other we may have a larger issue at hand. Unexpected gestures of love, however large or small, keep the romance alive. To my fun single friends, get dolled up and go out! My favorite Valentine’s Day ritual is linking up with my girlfriends for happy hour at a local dive bar. Do you know how many FUN people we meet? And you can bet most of the people you will meet out that night are single as well.

Now, having said of this...I do LOVE flowers, chocolate, red & pink (especially together), hearts and girly, pretty things.  SO I will be celebrating that part of the holiday all week!

Happily,

Kim

Wastes of Time

It sounds so harsh and hypocritical coming from me since I tend to tell people to go out with people outside of their "mold" and even to give it more than one date. However, I mean like a handful of dates to let the awkwardness die off a bit - not months or even years of wasted time.  We've all done it - held on to something because it was comfortable or we were too scared to start over. These are "better than nothing" relationships and they are time sucks.  Roadblocks to real relationships.
So then why do we do it?

• security
• we think it is all we can get
• or all we deserve
• or we are scared to date

What do these relationships do to us?

• chip away at our self esteem
• drain us emotionally
• keep us from meeting the right person

How do you know if you are in WOT relationship? You know.  I could create a list of questions for you to ponder over your morning coffee but if you are reading this and can relate to any portion.  You know and you know what you need to do.

Rip it off like a band-aid. 


happily,
kim

The Habitual First Dater...

Are you a habitual first dater? Two weeks ago on the season opener of The Bachelor, Jake Pavelka, claimed to be a habitual first dater. Now to me this indicates one of two things - you are doing something wrong on these dates or you are choosing the wrong people. Either way you are making mistakes and wasting your time. I have to admit this is my first season of watching this show and I am not entirely certain how long I will last but my guess is he is probably doing both. His judgment seems a bit off but I haven't really noticed that he is all that engaging, however, could be because he has a dozen beautiful women throwing themselves at him. At any rate, my point is this...sometimes it's back to the basics. I love lists so here we go:
1) Listen
2)Do NOT have an agenda...I mean this!!! Do not focus on getting a second date or getting the other person in the sack.  Your date will pick up on these vibes and be completely turned off. Just focus on relaxing and having a good time - a much better recipe for success!
3) MEN - plan and pay for the first date.  I do not want to expand on this, it should be a given.
4) WOMEN - offer to pay. Play the game.  ALSO - be attentive and affectionate.  Offer some feedback that he should ask you out again.
5) I am a big fan of the "mini" first date - coffee, drinks or even a beach cruiser ride. You can always ask to do another activity but backing out of something is much more difficult!

And remember...part of us is still that little kid on the playground, nervous and awkard and hoping the other one likes us.

happily,
kim