First Date...Don't Forget the Basics...

It never hurts to brush up on your first date etiquette before the big date - putting your best foot forward and helping you score the one! 

Cliff Notes (do they still make them?) version -

•        Keep it simple and short – if you like each other that’s why there’s a second date.
•        No cursing (usually it’s my guys that do this one and it’s the f-bomb that I get complaints about),    no talk about the ex’s and don’t get into any conversation that is too serious.
•        A drink or two is fine but don’t get sloshed.
•        The guy should set up the date and pay (and the girl should do the obligatory “reach”).
•        Flirt, have fun and go into EVERY date with an open mind.
•       Turn off your Blackberry, iPhone, Android, iPad…whatever your digital addiction is...
•        Save sex for when you are monogamous. 

Like bath water for sex...

"Like water for chocolate" is not only a famous movie and novel but also a saying that is sometimes used in Spanish-speaking cultures to describe passion - sexual or anger. The saying derived from using water vice milk to make hot chocolate - when the boiling water hits the chocolate it melts.

Where am I going with this? Other than just loving the phrase I created a spin-off geared towards relationships. I have to give my friend Colleen credit for coining the analogy though...she said to me the other day, getting back together with an ex is like bath water. You remember the bubbles, hot, steamy water and how wonderful and relaxed you were. You remember your muscles loosening and all your worries melting away. You felt clean and refreshed when you stepped out of the tub. Later you might long for that feeling again and go back. Only to find that the bubbles have turned into soap scum on the side of the tub and the water is is cold and uninviting. Like bath water for sex, you go back and it's already gone.    

When you break-up there are things you will miss - reading the Sunday paper together on the deck, having someone for your other season ticket, that person who gets your sense of humor or watches the same shows.  The hot passion and amazing sex. What you rarely think about in these moments is what was wrong, what didn't work, the soap scum on your tub.

If you are thinking of going back, you have to ask yourself, "has what was broken been fixed?". If the answer is no, then think "like bath water for sex".

Art Alive in San Diego

One of my favorite events of the year kicked off tonight - Art Alive.  I've been to the Special Edition Culture & Cocktails before but never the Opening Celebration & it was exquisite. I am a romantic to my core - I think white lights, candles & stars are amazing. I love fresh flowers & pretty settings.  I believe in happy endings & cheesy romantic comedies - it literally is what moves me through my day. And tonight when I walked up the red carpet and into the big white tent I looked up and there were stars on the "ceiling".There were floral arrangements EVERYWHERE - pink & purple lights on a beautiful white setting.  When you walked into the rotunda if you didn't close your eyes and just breathe you were doing yourself a disservice. The overpowering smell of lilies knocks you off your feet - it's a smell that lightens my heart. Then you open your eyes and you see the most romantic setting you could ever imagine. It's what the heart feels love should look like - perfection. Soft white roses, daises & lilies everywhere.  I thought to myself - someone has to get married here tonight. It is, simply put - beautiful. My dear friend, & Associate Director of Development at SDMA, Sarah Beckman said there HAS to be at least has to be at least one proposal. And as I looked around the room I thought to myself if neither a wedding or a proposal is going to happen tonight, I can find solace in the fact that there are couples all over the room that are completely falling in love.  Maybe it's Bonnie & Hans that were celebrating their 10th anniversary tonight or maybe it's a guy seeing a girl in a new light for the first time.  But if there were ever a night, tonight was the night that love was in the air.
Thank you San Diego Museum of Art ... you have outdone yourself!

New Year’s Resolutions

I’m not a fan, never have been. Honestly, I think I have made one every year for as long as I can remember. Lose five pounds, get my MBA, qualify for the Boston Marathon, or get more involved in the community. I have to say the only one on that list that I haven’t accomplished yet (ok, I could probably lose five pounds this year too) is the MBA. But I didn’t accomplish any of them because they were a New Year’s resolution. It was because I set goals. I know you are thinking “Kim, semantics, please, they are the same thing.” I would argue they are not. When I set a goal I create a plan to achieve it, a deadline for achieving and have a known outcome. To me a resolution is a just a fluffy idea that floats out there but as soon as the hard work of reaching that goal sets in – it quickly drifts away.

Now why on earth is a matchmaker writing about goals and resolutions? Think about how you became successful. One NYE did you decide you would become an attorney/doctor/banker? My guess is no. My guess is you had a vision of what you wanted, set a goal and put a plan in place. Which brings me to meeting the love of your life – it’s the same approach. Are you getting home late from work, gym, board meetings, etc and plopping down on the sofa thinking to yourself I am tired of doing it all alone. I don’t want to bring in 2011 by myself – I want to meet someone. A client said to me the other day he wished he could order a pizza and the woman of his dreams would deliver it. She would just knock on his door and the search would be over. It’s the male equivalent to a knight in shining armor appearing – it’s not going to happen. You have to get out there and meet new people. You have to put yourself out there. You have to work at it. Or hire a matchmaker.



happily,

Kim

Weekend Date Ideas for San Diego!

Just a quick list of date ideas for this weekend -

December Nights in Balboa Park

Ice Skating at Horton Plaza or The Hotel del Coronado    

Jerry Seinfeld - Live in Concert!

Bonnie & Clyde - La Jolla Playhouse

How the Grinch Stole Christmas - The Old Globe Theatre

Just a few ideas!! Remember to have fun & keep it light!

happily,
kim

The Break-Up

Now why you ask would a matchmaker decide to write about breaking up?!?!   It could be purely a numbers thing - they are more common then happily ever after. I am really not trying to be negative I am just saying that I have had to say "this is not going to work" or "it's not you, it's me" (kidding) more than I have said "this is it, he's the one" or even "I love you". Or it could be that I was inspired by yet another public break up on Sunday at the Chargers game (BEFORE the end of the game and they left the stadium and we have amazing seats!).
Whatever the reason, the fact of the matter is...they happen. In fact, Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn even made a movie about it called (oddly) The Break-Up. My point is EVERYONE can relate and no one is immune. Sunny & Cher, Princess Di & Prince Charles, Henry VII & Catherine of Aragon, Brad & Jennifer...the list goes on and on.

How not to do it -

If you have been dating for more than a few weeks, have the bollucks to do it live and not publicly!

Facebook - remember the man who left his wife via a status update.
Text message or Email
Post-it - remember when Berger dumped Carrie on Sex & the City

Now what?

Some would say this is where men & women differ. Guys head straight to a strip club or a bar with their buddies and the "incident" is never mentioned. Girls tend to surround themselves with their girlfriends watch romantic comedies, drink wine (or bubbly) and eat chocolate. They typically talk about it - mostly the friends tell her how great she is and what a HUGE mistake the guy is making or how INCREDIBLY miserable he is going to be.

I wish I had a checklist for this one but I don't - there is really no right way to do it, no perfect way to handle it (Fatal Attraction is not the answer) and there isn't really a timeline for when you will move on. Just know you will!

happily,
kim

First Date Convo's...

Some people LOVE first dates but they are not the majority.  I honestly can say I usually really enjoy them - I love meeting new people and learning about them. Knowing that I am in the minority I thought I would jot down a few ideas for those who might find it daunting...

I think there are a few key principles to keep in mind before I even start on my list:
a) Whatever the topic - keep it light!
b) Ask a lot of questions but this is not a job interview...show that you are genuinely interested but make sure you are also listening (I think this is the part some struggle with...).

Sample Topics -

• Travel
• Family, childhood, where you grew up
• Favorite restaurants in town (you could find a new favorite!)
• Ask about their friends and what they like to do in their free time
• Career

You can always try these unique conversation starters that make me laugh.

Dangerous Territory -

• Discussing past relationships.
• Showing too much enthusiasm with regards to marriage & children (wanting or not wanting them).
• Sharing too much information about your dysfunctional family.
• Getting into a heated discussion about politics or religion.

We all want to be a closer but fellas please...pay attention to the signals...

...happily, kim

Love Happens

I just saw Jennifer Aniston's new movie, "Love Happens", the other night (http://www.lovehappensmovie.com/).  I am no Roger Ebert, I promise I will not make any feabile attempts to give a review of the movie. My idea of a good movie is one with a happy ending.  I want the guy to get his girl, the plot to tie up nicely, I don't want to be disturbed for hours or days and in light of the upcoming holiday, I certainly do not want the bejesus scared out of me. I am a sap, a romantic, a girl and I LOVE a good love story. There is always a lesson...I thought I would share a few I gleaned from the movie.

1) Never make up a handicap to avoid giving a guy your number. First of all, it is tacky and really I should not have to explain any more.
2) Try something new. Jennifer seemed to always date guys that let her down. She had an image (musician) and when Aaron Eckhart's character arrived it didn't even dawn on her at first to give him a shot.
3) Be creative.  Seeing a concert in the bucket of a telephone repair truck; classic.
4) We all have baggage. Maybe not as dramatic as losing your wife and not attending her funeral but we all have something that tears at our heart. You have to determine if the person you love's baggage is something you can deal with. If not, move on.
5) Make a grand gesture. Walk into her flower shop (or insert here) and ask for her heart.

And of course remember that Love Happens :)

...happily,

kim

Dating Fun – The Beacon

The Beacon – as defined to me - is when you reach that pivotal point of happiness in a relationship that you will COMPLETELY be taken aback when one or multiple ex’s try to sneak back into your life. Now, I know you all (or at least my women readers) are thinking back to that chic flick classic Someone Like You (Ashley Judd, Hugh Jackman) and Ashley Judd’s character, Jane Goodall’s new cow theory. The new cow theory is that all male species are in constant pursuit of a younger mate. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDhrhT2g9pQ) So I Googled beacon plus every type of dating word I could think of and came up dry. This theory is based purely on extensive discussions with my girlfriends over multiple glasses of wine – there is a slight chance it could be flawed but I have solid examples. Take my friend who a month out from her wedding day began receiving frantic phone calls and instant messages from “the one who got away” wanting to confess his love for her and that she really was the one for him. Another friend was a few months out from her wedding when multiple old flames began to text and call – some were just old “booty calls” and suddenly they had the urge to reconnect. What is that? What cosmic signal is sent out into the universe that has people thousands of miles away reaching out to old flames. People they haven’t spoken to in ages. Admittedly, I thought this a myth until about nine months ago - when it happened to me. The Facebook messages, phone calls, emails all from ex’s that I haven’t talked to in YEARS. Some were innocently just “checking in”. Some tried to get things going again. One even wanted to see if I missed us – be warned he was “Engaged” on FB the very next month (we call these “bullet’s dodged” and there will be a whole series of blogs on them). I have to tell you – I had a great laugh and didn’t give it a second thought. Maybe it’s a good way to check to make sure you are in a healthy relationship. Maybe it is a nice way to boost your self esteem. And please note, my examples are all of men tracking down women but this doesn’t mean that it doesn’t work both ways. Send me stories of ex-girlfriend Beacon stories – I would LOVE it!



As proof, that I am not pulling this out of thin air, think back to Season 5 of Grey’s Anatomy. Izzy Stevens was finally over Denny Duquette’s tragic death and her love loss (http://abc.go.com/shows/greys-anatomy) . She had moved on to a steamy and exciting romance with Karev – she was happy and life was amazing. THEN BAM! Denny Duquette pop’s back in like a pimple on your wedding day. And that my friends is what we call The Beacon.

…happily,

kim