First Date...Don't Forget the Basics...

It never hurts to brush up on your first date etiquette before the big date - putting your best foot forward and helping you score the one! 

Cliff Notes (do they still make them?) version -

•        Keep it simple and short – if you like each other that’s why there’s a second date.
•        No cursing (usually it’s my guys that do this one and it’s the f-bomb that I get complaints about),    no talk about the ex’s and don’t get into any conversation that is too serious.
•        A drink or two is fine but don’t get sloshed.
•        The guy should set up the date and pay (and the girl should do the obligatory “reach”).
•        Flirt, have fun and go into EVERY date with an open mind.
•       Turn off your Blackberry, iPhone, Android, iPad…whatever your digital addiction is...
•        Save sex for when you are monogamous. 

Finding Love a Comic Con

I am not a comic book fan. I have not seen every Batman movie or even every Superman move (I think there are fewer).  But I LOVE Comic Con.  Truth be told, I have never actually been inside - I do not have the foresight to purchase tickets 7 months in advance and within a 2 hour window.

But I LOVE Comic Con. I love the people watching. I love how the entire city of San Diego transforms into a series of video games and characters I've never even heard of. I LOVE the passion. I love that people come from all over the world to celebrate, for all intensive purposes, cartoons.

If you're a SciFi geek or Comic Book nerd (used affectionately, of course) this is your weekend to shine!  And more importantly, find that special someone that shares the same passion as you.  How does one navigate this maze of people to not only find someone who is single but who underneath the costume you might actually like?

The keys to meet your Comic Match are in your outfit and where you go!  First of all, if you've got it, flaunt it! Wonder Woman is hot, confident and really says you are not screwing around!  And I have no idea who this "Angel of Fire" is but she looks pretty rocking to me.  Just remember, your costume should be a reflection of your personality.  This is key to conveying who you are before even meeting someone - this way, the right people approach you!


Where you go?  I'm talking after parties and hot spots around town.  Lou & Mickey's & Donovan's are outfitted with video games so if that's your thing I would head to a spot like that. Fluxx is a local night club featuring Snoop Dogg tonight. Even Basic is retrofitted for the occasion. And take advantage of all that time waiting in line at the expo! Strike up a conversation with strangers - even ones you might not think you are attracted to.  You just never know!

Naturally shy or introverted? Use some witty one-liners to get the conversation started! Such as -
* Are you always dressed as the Green Lantern or do you sometimes don the Superman get-up?
* If you were a superhero, who would you be? (Use only on someone NOT dressed as a superhero.)
* Have you checked out the giant Smurf? Think Smurfette is pissed she's not here?
* Do you always wear a cloak and carry a wand or only when you're off to fight Voldamort?

Most importantly...have fun, talk to strangers and take lots of pictures!!!

Love is a Marathon, Not a Sprint

I know what you're thinking...I am missing running SO much that it is now flooding my thought process completely. I am using some weak attempt to tie together dating and running.  Perhaps, but hear me out.

As a society, we tend to get wrapped up in the end result.  Which makes sense as we are measured in so many ways by results - at work, we have goals and most of us try to achieve them.  In running, we set a goal and then train to meet or exceed even it.  In short, we decide (or someone decides for us) that we want something and the expectation of results is created.

Usually there is a timeline but most of us want things now.  The 40 yard dash version, not the marathon version.  Now go outside and run a 40 yard dash and then tomorrow go outside and run a marathon - tell me how you feel at the end of each of them.  The dash is exhilarating, fun, gets your blood pumping and makes you feel great! Sure, you push yourself but you know you can get through it without working too hard. Tell me you feel the same about the marathon and I will call you a liar or you have a shot at the Olympics. It takes month of work - building up slowly, getting through rough patches where your body and mind are completely beat down and then the anticipation building up to the big day.  Not to mention the nerves the night before - the uncertainty of what lies ahead.  And the hard work pays off but not without even more WORK.  But in the end, it's totally worth it. It's this crazy emotional, physical, awesome journey that makes you feel incredible.  You realize all the work was totally worth it the second you hear your name called and your chip beep for the last time as you cross the finish line.  You swagger over to get your medal and water (or beer) to celebrate. The feeling is like non-other.  It's love. Your 40 yard dash was lust.

True love doesn't happen over night. It isn't made with a kiss or a diamond.  Or happen instantly after some really amazing event or major hurdle (the plot of most every rom-com).  It takes work and sacrifice and communication and all kinds of things that sound about as fun as training for four months for a marathon.  But somehow it's what we all crave and in the end it's totally worth it.

happily,
kim

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not...

You remember the game! You pull each petal off of a flower (ok, I think I might have used weeds but that actually just shows the quality of boys I surrounded myself with or where I spent my time) and alternate each pluck with "he loves me" and "he loves me not". The fundamental problem with this game is the mindset it puts you in.  You automatically rule your own emotions out.  Your focus should be on how you feel about him.  Think about it - that's the only thing you can control and clearly you know that or you wouldn't be playing these silly games.  Ok, I have fast forwarded a decade or two to adulthood.  We may not pick the petals off of our $7 Farmer's Market Daisies but perhaps even worse we harp on it.  Asking our friends over $12 martinis and mulling around the house reliving every last conversation and action. Looking for a sign of how he really feels. 

What should you be doing?  A) living your life, I am fairly certain you have way more important shit to get done today.  B) Determining how you feel about him.  Are you totally yourself when you're with him? Does he make you laugh? Does he make you a priority? Do you see yourself wanting to take trips together? Is there potential past 2am? Do you even want to stay up until 2am with him? Figuring out the basics of what you want and how YOU feel.

Now I am a fairly confident person and I would be lying if I said I hadn't caught myself doing this before (Ok, maybe recently. Damn, my need for over-sharing.).  It's easy to get excited and then start to worry you will be let down or worse have your heart broken. But I promise you, the most important person in your life is you and if you don't figure out what makes you happy then no one else will either.  So just chill the hell out, figure out how you feel and I promise you that your confidence will shine through and suddenly the last worry on your mind will be how he feels about you.

happily,

kim

What The Marines Taught Me About Love...

Now I know where your minds are headed right now but steer back on course...I was actually in the Marine Corps (not working my way through a Fighter Squadron).  This is my own littler version of "All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten" but with regards to love and relationships and I guess I learned these lessons a few years later. I'm here to tell you that what I learned in the Marines, has made me a better partner.

There were three words drilled into your head from day one, "Honor, Courage & Commitment".  The Marine Corps' Core Values.  It might seem trite to compare creating a warrior to creating a good partner but think about it...you want someone that will have your back, that you can trust without question and that you have a bond that never falters.  Right?

So let's take a closer look...

Honor - never lie, cheat or steal or tolerate those who do. To have respect for others.

Courage - mental, moral and physical strength. What gives you the strength to do what is right.

Commitment - the spirit of dedication and determination.  It's what binds us together.

So if you looked at your significant other like a Marine looked at his "job" I think we might all be better off for it.  Putting them before yourself, never compromising what is right and being fully committed to the relationship. It's really quite simple!

Now how do we get there? Bootcamp for love to follow - stay tuned!!! Everything from "making your rack" to "PT'ing" every morning.

happily,
kim

Anthology's Weekend of Love...

What says romance better than live music? Guessing maybe the genre is important here -  metal rock and gangsta rap are not so romantic? But jazz or big band -  now we're talking!  Combine great music with incredible food and an amazing venue and you, my friend,  have planned the perfect evening for your date! It's my personal belief that Anthology is one of downtown's best kept secrets or maybe misconceptions.  When I hear people rattle off great music venues I regularly hear House of Blues, Belly Up and The Casbah but rarely do I hear Anthology. Folks I have to tell you, you are missing out.  They have one of the hottest chefs in town, an amazing multi-level venue and are booked with incredible talent almost every night of the week.  Perhaps it's their location that is their downfall - a bit off the beaten path of the rest of downtown's hot spots.  All that says to me is better parking!  Or maybe when people here "jazz club" they think stuffy suits, red carpet walls and a smoke filled room (although we are in California) - these are all sad misconceptions. 

View of stage & levels at Anthology

The Weekend of Love line-up:

February 11th - Michael Franks

February 12th - Motown Revue

February 13th - Taboo Band - A Tribute to Sada

Valentine's Day - Big Band Sinatra & a special Prix Fix 3 or 4 course menu which includes a champagne toast.

I truly believe that love is in the air this year at Anthology. 

For tickets and complete details , see Anthology's website.

$20 for $50 worth of Dating - Acceptable or No?

A few years ago a bunch of girlfriends and I were having dinner at Indigo Grill and the conversation I remember most was one that has sparked many a heated debate since - is it OK to use a coupon on a date?

My answer: Absolutely not on the first date! However, there are tactful ways to do it from the second date and on (although, truthfully, I would wait for at least date three).

Groupon has done a lot to change the perception of coupons and make it much more socially acceptable. Thanks to what they've coined, "collective buying power".  And thanks to a dozen or more copy cats you can find something fun, exciting and affordable to do almost any night of the week!

Sites to check out -

Groupon
Living Social
Local Twist
DiscoverSD
SignonSanDiego's Daily Deal
San Diego Magazine's Deals & Steals

How do you broach the subject with your date - tactfully? My suggestion would be to casually mention that you grabbed the latest deal and see if she has any interest in checking out this new restaurant, gondola ride, art museum, hot air ballon ride, etc.

Depending on how adventurous your date is you may want to scope out your plan prior to the actual date...We all know how Date Night's can go awry.

Like bath water for sex...

"Like water for chocolate" is not only a famous movie and novel but also a saying that is sometimes used in Spanish-speaking cultures to describe passion - sexual or anger. The saying derived from using water vice milk to make hot chocolate - when the boiling water hits the chocolate it melts.

Where am I going with this? Other than just loving the phrase I created a spin-off geared towards relationships. I have to give my friend Colleen credit for coining the analogy though...she said to me the other day, getting back together with an ex is like bath water. You remember the bubbles, hot, steamy water and how wonderful and relaxed you were. You remember your muscles loosening and all your worries melting away. You felt clean and refreshed when you stepped out of the tub. Later you might long for that feeling again and go back. Only to find that the bubbles have turned into soap scum on the side of the tub and the water is is cold and uninviting. Like bath water for sex, you go back and it's already gone.    

When you break-up there are things you will miss - reading the Sunday paper together on the deck, having someone for your other season ticket, that person who gets your sense of humor or watches the same shows.  The hot passion and amazing sex. What you rarely think about in these moments is what was wrong, what didn't work, the soap scum on your tub.

If you are thinking of going back, you have to ask yourself, "has what was broken been fixed?". If the answer is no, then think "like bath water for sex".

Sexy, Slutty or Drab...that is the Halloween Question

Ah, the famed one day a year that it is acceptable to dress like a slut. Or is it? This seems to be a hot topic of discussion of bloggers over the last few weeks. "Happy Slut-O-Ween" a recent headline that instantly grabbed my attention (and thus making it incredibly effective) and, well, Lady Gaga is one of the most popular costumes of the season. My question isn't is this acceptable behavior or what has our society become and there is absolutely no judgment on my part. I've worn my share of mini skirts, go-go boots and lacy bloomers. My question is, what do you want to achieve on this hook-up holiday.  Just think about it - the "marrieds" have them all - Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve (which can go either way - hook up's or couples) and the DREADED Valentine's Day.  However, Halloween is your chance to go out as someone else or maybe just an "enhanced" version of you.  A mini transformation of sorts - a way to be fun and flirty in disguise. You can go slutty and find yourself in a "relationship" that will expire around 4:00am or maybe you go sexy or funny and find a relationship that might have a bit more staying power.   I do realize that "funny" requires a level of comfort and creativity that we do all not possess but guys seem to pull this off much better than we do.  "Alan" from The Hangover last year was a perfect example.  As I was talking to my friend, David Moye about at AOL Weird News - dress however you like, just remember what you project is what will come your way.  I just left the costume store and I do find myself frustrated that a majority of the options are (as I also mentioned to David) slutty, witch or a slutty witch. You might recall from SATC 1, Miranda pondered the same question and asked "what does that say about our society".   I'm not one to over think, I'm simply suggesting that this holiday is a wonderful way to meet new people - to get outside of your element and I think you should take advantage of that! So if you are going to wear a mini skirt and go-go boots consider wearing long sleeves. Or if you are showing some cleavage maybe make your bottoms slightly more conservative. Or get creative and funny - funny is always a good conversation starter!

Mr or Miss Manners...

Being from Virginia I feel it my southernly duty to ensure that my clients, friends and yes, I am on my best behavior.  Offering guests something to drink when they visit. Saying please and thank you. Chewing with my mouth shut. Politely eating my food.  Now I am the first to admit after a long run or two many hours without food I might be guilty of shoveling my food in like it's the last supper.  However, this behavior is NEVER acceptable on a date.
A few nights ago my girlfriend, Denise, and I were having dinner at one of our favorite East Village spots, Cafe Chloe, when we noticed a couple sitting next to us.  Of course, I was nosey wondering if this was a first date and how it would go! I noticed that the gentleman ordered an appetizer for himself and then I noticed that he was shoving giant pieces of bread in his mouth with reckless abandon. Talking with his mouthful and never once offered her a bite.  She demurely sipped her wine and chatted away.  Could this really be happening? Denise and I were floored, appalled, even! I looked away because we were bordering on being rude ourselves.
Two days later Denise & I were in our elevator and the culprit got it - with take out. My thoughts exactly...you should eat at home :)

happily,
kim

Flipping the Switch

Ladies this one is for you...it's about the transition from work to play.  I know many of us like to think that our same drive and passion that makes us successful professionals will make us successful in all areas of our lives.  This simply is not the case. The same tactics that make you a leader in the boardroom will not make you a leader in the bedroom for lack of a softer way of putting it.  I know your ambitious and have had to make it in a "man's world" - many of us own our companies, are successful attorneys, doctors, busy executives or any number of occupations that are not considered "traditional women's careers". But the fact of the matter is, unless you would like to date/marry a "beta man" you will have to learn to "flip the switch".  Now before I go any further there is NOTHING wrong with a beta man - typically the issue is they are not the men you are attracted to. And therefore you end up annoyed that the men you are attracting you are attracted to and vice versa. Now before I go any farther I am NOT suggesting you change who you are. I am simply suggesting that you tap into your softer side. Most of us - myself included - want the guy to be the guy.  So we need to allow him to be.  My suggestion is to figure out what relaxes you.  My best friend used to come home from work (she's a helicopter pilot in the Navy) and spend 20 minutes doing nothing. She watches Friends or flipping through a magazine until she was back to "normal".  I usually take my dog for a walk or go for a run.  I need the outside air to clear my head and hit the "reset" button.  You have to figure out what takes you back to that feminine place, your softer side, and make the time to do it.


The girl that wants to cuddle up on the sofa or hold hands walking on the beach.  I always recommend that people take a break in-between an after work date.  Maybe even meet a girlfriend for happy hour (ONE drink limit though) before heading out on a date. Decompress and become fun, flirty you again.  I also never recommend lunch dates - most of us will be tempted to answer our phones or check our blackberries.  You just won't be able to completely turn work "off".  Remember guys don't want to date their buddies or business partners. They want to date that fun, sexy girl that makes them feel like a million bucks! So make sure you are the best version of her!
happily,
kim

San Diego Weekend Guide - June 11, 2010

Just a few ideas to get out & meet new people in San Diego this weekend!

1) World Cup Coverage - Ladies hit a local pub & meet some sports minded, fun local guys - just remember not to start chatting them up during close matches or better yet - wait for a commercial!

2) The 30th Annual Firefighter Chili Cook-Off Padres Tailgate Party - Saturday from 12 - 4 - come support the MDA, eat some great food, have a few beers, meet new people AND it comes with a ticket to the Padres game!

3) Lucky 7 Match has a Singles Bowling Event at East Village Tavern & Bowl on Saturday at 5:00pm

4) NBA Finals - Sunday at 5:00pm head back to your local pub (ladies) for game 5.  Same rules apply here though!

Whatever you do - have fun & chat with someone new!

happily,
kim

Unattached? Enjoy Wine?

Join LoveHappensHere & 57 Degrees on May 26th at 6pm for a tasting of Ooh-La La wines & appetizers. RSVP to kim@lovehappenshere.com to reserve your spot now!  

happily, kim

Generally Speaking...

Generally speaking...

...you shouldn't curse on the first date & you definitely shouldn't drop the "F" bomb.
...the guy should pay on the first date, but the girl SHOULD do the "courtesy reach" (See Rachel Greenwald's Tips)
...you should keep your first date simple & brief...if you like each other there's always the second date :).
...the guy should set up the date ("whatever you want to do" is not acceptable) & make it geographically closer to his date than himself.
...you should go into every date with an optimistic attitude - you just never know!

happily,
kim

Spring Cleaning...

My girlfriends and I have always had this ridiculous rule.  If you are single at Thanksgiving you might as well stay single through Valentine's Day. It's just easier - no awkward gift buying scenarios or introducing to the family way too early.  The one thing that is sane about this logic is it was the perfect prep for spring cleaning. 
Spring Cleaning? 

I thought this was a blog about dating and relationships?  Exactly! This is the time to get yourself ready to meet someone new! I'm talking the down time you need to shed any emotional baggage.  Get it out of your system.  Next task...spice up your look.  Hit the mall and update your look. Sometimes it just takes a few key pieces to jazz things up a bit. OR if you need it - do the major overhaul. It's worth it.  Do a once over - are your roots showing? Eyebrows in disrepair? Coffee & wine got your teeth looking less than glimmering? Haven't had a facial since Bush was in office? When was the last time you broke a sweat? I am hoping it was before you morning coffee - no? Well get out there! Work out, go shopping, book the appointments! Just knock it all out. You'll feel great!
Now you have your new look, a good break from dating (a "cleanse" if you will) & the confidence to go meet that someone great.  Don't forget to smile!


...happily,
kim

Girls Guide to Getting Sexy Back...

It's Friday night and you're tired, it's been a long week but you have to rally. You have plans with your girlfriends or that cute guy you met at the gym.  But how do you go from blah to fab?

Just a few ideas ...

1) Pop in to your stylist on the way home and have your hair blown out.
2) Stop by the make-up counter at Nordy's and have your make-up done - I'm thinking fierce eyelashes.
3) Matching sexy, lacy bra & panties before heading out to happy hour.
4) Dance around your house to your favorite song - preferably naked or at least in your matching bra & panties.

5) Have a glass of bubbly while you're getting ready (I prefer to combine 4 & 5).
6) Wear a long string of pearls & nothing else while you're getting ready.
7) I know this sounds silly but I like to do a few push-ups before going out in a sleeveless top - makes me feel like I have Madonna's pipes.
8) While on the subject - exercise boosts endorphins, which makes you feel good, which leads to sexy. I'm a big fan of sweating once a day.
9) If you decide to stay in, pour a bubble bath and a glass of wine. You will be ready to go out tomorrow night.

10) Combine the pearls, lacy bra & panties and stilettos, grab your glass of bubbly and dance your heart out.  If you aren't champagne girl, don't forget the Champagne of Beers...does basically the same trick.


Whatever you do - have fun & smile.  happily, kim

Is Your Heart Half-Full?

Have you ever heard the expression "fake it, 'til you make it"? Early on in sales that was drilled into our heads and it's true for so many different areas of your life.  Really all it means is to be positive and confident so that people want to work with you or in this case, be around you.  We all have that friend (or some of us, multiple) that is a constant Debbie Downer - the person who always gets parking tickets, the printer jams on them, the mailman always delivers their mail to the neighbor. Nothing ever goes their way. The Negative Nancy that can turn a beautiful picnic on a sunny day, on a grassy hill, overlooking the ocean at sunset into a ant infested, lactose intolerant, grass is in my champagne & will that damn sun ever set picnic.  You don't want to be around those types of people...do you want to date them, spend the rest of your life with them? Right, so no one else does either.  I'm not saying you can't have bad days. I'm not saying you can't get pissed at some jerk that stands you up.  What you can't do - is harp on it.  Or carry it around with the belief that all men are jerks and you're too late you missed the bus...all the good ones are taken. 

Listen to me on this one - if you act like this, you will stay single. You might as well, get 17 cats, start making your own clothes and have a deal with Netflix that a new movie will arrive every Friday night.  Because you will most certainly be alone unless you find someone equally miserable & then you should run out get matching snuggies.

If you don't believe me you will surely believe the Millionaire Matchmaker - she mentions it in part of her new book and in an interview with LimeLife Blog.  She says essentially the same thing - you have to ditch the baggage. When you let it all go then your soul and your heart are open to love. 

If you really want proof read "Meeting your Half-Orange" by Amy Spencer (I HIGHLY recommend this book by the way) or really any book about optimism out there. 

Keep your heart half full & have faith...love will come.

happily,
kim