First Date...Don't Forget the Basics...

It never hurts to brush up on your first date etiquette before the big date - putting your best foot forward and helping you score the one! 

Cliff Notes (do they still make them?) version -

•        Keep it simple and short – if you like each other that’s why there’s a second date.
•        No cursing (usually it’s my guys that do this one and it’s the f-bomb that I get complaints about),    no talk about the ex’s and don’t get into any conversation that is too serious.
•        A drink or two is fine but don’t get sloshed.
•        The guy should set up the date and pay (and the girl should do the obligatory “reach”).
•        Flirt, have fun and go into EVERY date with an open mind.
•       Turn off your Blackberry, iPhone, Android, iPad…whatever your digital addiction is...
•        Save sex for when you are monogamous. 

What The Marines Taught Me About Love...

Now I know where your minds are headed right now but steer back on course...I was actually in the Marine Corps (not working my way through a Fighter Squadron).  This is my own littler version of "All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten" but with regards to love and relationships and I guess I learned these lessons a few years later. I'm here to tell you that what I learned in the Marines, has made me a better partner.

There were three words drilled into your head from day one, "Honor, Courage & Commitment".  The Marine Corps' Core Values.  It might seem trite to compare creating a warrior to creating a good partner but think about it...you want someone that will have your back, that you can trust without question and that you have a bond that never falters.  Right?

So let's take a closer look...

Honor - never lie, cheat or steal or tolerate those who do. To have respect for others.

Courage - mental, moral and physical strength. What gives you the strength to do what is right.

Commitment - the spirit of dedication and determination.  It's what binds us together.

So if you looked at your significant other like a Marine looked at his "job" I think we might all be better off for it.  Putting them before yourself, never compromising what is right and being fully committed to the relationship. It's really quite simple!

Now how do we get there? Bootcamp for love to follow - stay tuned!!! Everything from "making your rack" to "PT'ing" every morning.

happily,
kim

Like bath water for sex...

"Like water for chocolate" is not only a famous movie and novel but also a saying that is sometimes used in Spanish-speaking cultures to describe passion - sexual or anger. The saying derived from using water vice milk to make hot chocolate - when the boiling water hits the chocolate it melts.

Where am I going with this? Other than just loving the phrase I created a spin-off geared towards relationships. I have to give my friend Colleen credit for coining the analogy though...she said to me the other day, getting back together with an ex is like bath water. You remember the bubbles, hot, steamy water and how wonderful and relaxed you were. You remember your muscles loosening and all your worries melting away. You felt clean and refreshed when you stepped out of the tub. Later you might long for that feeling again and go back. Only to find that the bubbles have turned into soap scum on the side of the tub and the water is is cold and uninviting. Like bath water for sex, you go back and it's already gone.    

When you break-up there are things you will miss - reading the Sunday paper together on the deck, having someone for your other season ticket, that person who gets your sense of humor or watches the same shows.  The hot passion and amazing sex. What you rarely think about in these moments is what was wrong, what didn't work, the soap scum on your tub.

If you are thinking of going back, you have to ask yourself, "has what was broken been fixed?". If the answer is no, then think "like bath water for sex".

Mr or Miss Manners...

Being from Virginia I feel it my southernly duty to ensure that my clients, friends and yes, I am on my best behavior.  Offering guests something to drink when they visit. Saying please and thank you. Chewing with my mouth shut. Politely eating my food.  Now I am the first to admit after a long run or two many hours without food I might be guilty of shoveling my food in like it's the last supper.  However, this behavior is NEVER acceptable on a date.
A few nights ago my girlfriend, Denise, and I were having dinner at one of our favorite East Village spots, Cafe Chloe, when we noticed a couple sitting next to us.  Of course, I was nosey wondering if this was a first date and how it would go! I noticed that the gentleman ordered an appetizer for himself and then I noticed that he was shoving giant pieces of bread in his mouth with reckless abandon. Talking with his mouthful and never once offered her a bite.  She demurely sipped her wine and chatted away.  Could this really be happening? Denise and I were floored, appalled, even! I looked away because we were bordering on being rude ourselves.
Two days later Denise & I were in our elevator and the culprit got it - with take out. My thoughts exactly...you should eat at home :)

happily,
kim

Generally Speaking...

Generally speaking...

...you shouldn't curse on the first date & you definitely shouldn't drop the "F" bomb.
...the guy should pay on the first date, but the girl SHOULD do the "courtesy reach" (See Rachel Greenwald's Tips)
...you should keep your first date simple & brief...if you like each other there's always the second date :).
...the guy should set up the date ("whatever you want to do" is not acceptable) & make it geographically closer to his date than himself.
...you should go into every date with an optimistic attitude - you just never know!

happily,
kim

Spring Cleaning...

My girlfriends and I have always had this ridiculous rule.  If you are single at Thanksgiving you might as well stay single through Valentine's Day. It's just easier - no awkward gift buying scenarios or introducing to the family way too early.  The one thing that is sane about this logic is it was the perfect prep for spring cleaning. 
Spring Cleaning? 

I thought this was a blog about dating and relationships?  Exactly! This is the time to get yourself ready to meet someone new! I'm talking the down time you need to shed any emotional baggage.  Get it out of your system.  Next task...spice up your look.  Hit the mall and update your look. Sometimes it just takes a few key pieces to jazz things up a bit. OR if you need it - do the major overhaul. It's worth it.  Do a once over - are your roots showing? Eyebrows in disrepair? Coffee & wine got your teeth looking less than glimmering? Haven't had a facial since Bush was in office? When was the last time you broke a sweat? I am hoping it was before you morning coffee - no? Well get out there! Work out, go shopping, book the appointments! Just knock it all out. You'll feel great!
Now you have your new look, a good break from dating (a "cleanse" if you will) & the confidence to go meet that someone great.  Don't forget to smile!


...happily,
kim

Girls Guide to Getting Sexy Back...

It's Friday night and you're tired, it's been a long week but you have to rally. You have plans with your girlfriends or that cute guy you met at the gym.  But how do you go from blah to fab?

Just a few ideas ...

1) Pop in to your stylist on the way home and have your hair blown out.
2) Stop by the make-up counter at Nordy's and have your make-up done - I'm thinking fierce eyelashes.
3) Matching sexy, lacy bra & panties before heading out to happy hour.
4) Dance around your house to your favorite song - preferably naked or at least in your matching bra & panties.

5) Have a glass of bubbly while you're getting ready (I prefer to combine 4 & 5).
6) Wear a long string of pearls & nothing else while you're getting ready.
7) I know this sounds silly but I like to do a few push-ups before going out in a sleeveless top - makes me feel like I have Madonna's pipes.
8) While on the subject - exercise boosts endorphins, which makes you feel good, which leads to sexy. I'm a big fan of sweating once a day.
9) If you decide to stay in, pour a bubble bath and a glass of wine. You will be ready to go out tomorrow night.

10) Combine the pearls, lacy bra & panties and stilettos, grab your glass of bubbly and dance your heart out.  If you aren't champagne girl, don't forget the Champagne of Beers...does basically the same trick.


Whatever you do - have fun & smile.  happily, kim

My Thoughts On Valentine's Day...

I’ve only ever had one date on Valentine’s Day – EVER. I know this is a random and probably pathetic sounding confession but it’s true. I share this with you to emphasize a point – it is just a Hallmark holiday. It really means nothing! Wouldn’t you rather experience unexpected romantic gestures all year long? A random love note, breakfast in bed, flowers “just because” or my personal favorite a walk on the beach at sunset? There is just so much pressure on that day! Men dread it because they worry they can’t live up to their girlfriends expectations. Single girls dread it because it highlights the fact that they are single once again. I wish I was exaggerating – I have had a ton of women call me already panicking about the big day. I am more than happy to help but the first word out of my mouth is “relax”. This isn’t a final exam that we can cram for in the next few weeks. Your passing grade = Prince Charming. Finding the right person for you will take work and time and it will be completely worth it, I promise.

As for my thoughts on the BIG day…If you are in a committed relationship and this is the one day a year that you are doing something romantic for your significant other we may have a larger issue at hand. Unexpected gestures of love, however large or small, keep the romance alive. To my fun single friends, get dolled up and go out! My favorite Valentine’s Day ritual is linking up with my girlfriends for happy hour at a local dive bar. Do you know how many FUN people we meet? And you can bet most of the people you will meet out that night are single as well.

Now, having said of this...I do LOVE flowers, chocolate, red & pink (especially together), hearts and girly, pretty things.  SO I will be celebrating that part of the holiday all week!

Happily,

Kim

Weekend Date Ideas for San Diego (January 28 - 31st)

I just thought I would share a few date ideas for the weekend!

• Thursday Night - Harry Connick, Jr will be at the Copley Symphony Hall.  What girl wouldn't melt for Harry?
• How about taking advantage of the rain we had last weekend?  Take a road trip to Big Bear Mountain and hit the slopes (or just the lodge!) and snuggle up by a fire in the evening.
• The sunsets have been amazing all week - take a walk on the beach or go for drinks and enjoy the view.  If you are feeling adventerous why not take a HOT AIR BALLOON RIDE?
• Then check out that new restaurant you missed last week because of the rain - Restaurant Week has been extended!
• Or to Cafe Sevilla for "The Art of Flamenco" (I don't care who you are, Flamenco dancing is just sexy!)

Now, I've made it easy for you by providing the links to every activity - do NOT wait for Valentine's Day to do something romantic!!!

happily,

kim

The Habitual First Dater...

Are you a habitual first dater? Two weeks ago on the season opener of The Bachelor, Jake Pavelka, claimed to be a habitual first dater. Now to me this indicates one of two things - you are doing something wrong on these dates or you are choosing the wrong people. Either way you are making mistakes and wasting your time. I have to admit this is my first season of watching this show and I am not entirely certain how long I will last but my guess is he is probably doing both. His judgment seems a bit off but I haven't really noticed that he is all that engaging, however, could be because he has a dozen beautiful women throwing themselves at him. At any rate, my point is this...sometimes it's back to the basics. I love lists so here we go:
1) Listen
2)Do NOT have an agenda...I mean this!!! Do not focus on getting a second date or getting the other person in the sack.  Your date will pick up on these vibes and be completely turned off. Just focus on relaxing and having a good time - a much better recipe for success!
3) MEN - plan and pay for the first date.  I do not want to expand on this, it should be a given.
4) WOMEN - offer to pay. Play the game.  ALSO - be attentive and affectionate.  Offer some feedback that he should ask you out again.
5) I am a big fan of the "mini" first date - coffee, drinks or even a beach cruiser ride. You can always ask to do another activity but backing out of something is much more difficult!

And remember...part of us is still that little kid on the playground, nervous and awkard and hoping the other one likes us.

happily,
kim

Weekend Date Ideas for San Diego!

Just a quick list of date ideas for this weekend -

December Nights in Balboa Park

Ice Skating at Horton Plaza or The Hotel del Coronado    

Jerry Seinfeld - Live in Concert!

Bonnie & Clyde - La Jolla Playhouse

How the Grinch Stole Christmas - The Old Globe Theatre

Just a few ideas!! Remember to have fun & keep it light!

happily,
kim

First Date Convo's...

Some people LOVE first dates but they are not the majority.  I honestly can say I usually really enjoy them - I love meeting new people and learning about them. Knowing that I am in the minority I thought I would jot down a few ideas for those who might find it daunting...

I think there are a few key principles to keep in mind before I even start on my list:
a) Whatever the topic - keep it light!
b) Ask a lot of questions but this is not a job interview...show that you are genuinely interested but make sure you are also listening (I think this is the part some struggle with...).

Sample Topics -

• Travel
• Family, childhood, where you grew up
• Favorite restaurants in town (you could find a new favorite!)
• Ask about their friends and what they like to do in their free time
• Career

You can always try these unique conversation starters that make me laugh.

Dangerous Territory -

• Discussing past relationships.
• Showing too much enthusiasm with regards to marriage & children (wanting or not wanting them).
• Sharing too much information about your dysfunctional family.
• Getting into a heated discussion about politics or religion.

We all want to be a closer but fellas please...pay attention to the signals...

...happily, kim

The Truth About Prince Charming...

If I know one thing is true it's this...prince charming isn’t going to ride up to your apartment, condo or house door. This isn’t how it works – no matter how many Jennifer Aniston movies you watch (Speaking of, has anyone seen Love Happens yet - ?)It isn't your fault, you have been trained since a child to think this way - thank you very much, Mr. Walt Disney. From a young age, we are programmed to believe that our prince will come - he will awaken us with a kiss or bring our lost glass slipper to our front door and, of course, live happily ever after. We are all guilty of wanting it to come this easily. But think about it, if he did, your butt would be on the couch, in yoga pants, with your hair on top of your head, a glass of wine in your hand and a bowl of popcorn in your lap. Surely, you would be watching something that I would find fabulous but I am not so sure he would find appealing.

Isn't it better this way? Think this through...you get yourself all dolled-up, you meet a friend for a cocktail, go out and do something amazing and there he is - doing the same amazing thing. Instantly, you have a similar interest, a connection. Sure it requires a tad more work but is there anything in life worthwhile that didn't require some effort? I love Sleeping Beauty and am incredibly happy it worked out for her - but just in case your life isn't scripted so well...you may want to get out of the house.

...happily, kim

To Call or Not to Call

To Call or Not to Call –

I may be dating myself here but who remembers Jon Favreau’s great dilemma in Swingers? How many days do you wait to call after a great date? (Scroll down to “How long do I wait to call?” (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117802/quotes) My answer and any dating coach, matchmaker or person with an ounce of common sense will tell you the next day. Call, email, text, Tweet, Facebook, whatever you need to do but let her know you had a good time and you want to see her again. In fact, let her know that night. At the end of the date, just tell her how much fun you had and that you would like to see her again. Keep it simple, light, fun – with an air of confidence. Now having said this, I really don’t recommend calling on the way home – leave a little time for her to actually want to hear from you! Calling the next day to say what a great time you had and to ask her out again is perfect.

Now, ladies, the key here is to actually answer the phone, reply to the text or Tweet or Facebook in a timely manner. This, in case you need it defined, is about 24 hours.

There is a distinct difference between the chase and playing games. At this point in our lives, let’s leave the games to the kids.

…happily,
kim