He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not...

You remember the game! You pull each petal off of a flower (ok, I think I might have used weeds but that actually just shows the quality of boys I surrounded myself with or where I spent my time) and alternate each pluck with "he loves me" and "he loves me not". The fundamental problem with this game is the mindset it puts you in.  You automatically rule your own emotions out.  Your focus should be on how you feel about him.  Think about it - that's the only thing you can control and clearly you know that or you wouldn't be playing these silly games.  Ok, I have fast forwarded a decade or two to adulthood.  We may not pick the petals off of our $7 Farmer's Market Daisies but perhaps even worse we harp on it.  Asking our friends over $12 martinis and mulling around the house reliving every last conversation and action. Looking for a sign of how he really feels. 

What should you be doing?  A) living your life, I am fairly certain you have way more important shit to get done today.  B) Determining how you feel about him.  Are you totally yourself when you're with him? Does he make you laugh? Does he make you a priority? Do you see yourself wanting to take trips together? Is there potential past 2am? Do you even want to stay up until 2am with him? Figuring out the basics of what you want and how YOU feel.

Now I am a fairly confident person and I would be lying if I said I hadn't caught myself doing this before (Ok, maybe recently. Damn, my need for over-sharing.).  It's easy to get excited and then start to worry you will be let down or worse have your heart broken. But I promise you, the most important person in your life is you and if you don't figure out what makes you happy then no one else will either.  So just chill the hell out, figure out how you feel and I promise you that your confidence will shine through and suddenly the last worry on your mind will be how he feels about you.

happily,

kim

What The Marines Taught Me About Love...

Now I know where your minds are headed right now but steer back on course...I was actually in the Marine Corps (not working my way through a Fighter Squadron).  This is my own littler version of "All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten" but with regards to love and relationships and I guess I learned these lessons a few years later. I'm here to tell you that what I learned in the Marines, has made me a better partner.

There were three words drilled into your head from day one, "Honor, Courage & Commitment".  The Marine Corps' Core Values.  It might seem trite to compare creating a warrior to creating a good partner but think about it...you want someone that will have your back, that you can trust without question and that you have a bond that never falters.  Right?

So let's take a closer look...

Honor - never lie, cheat or steal or tolerate those who do. To have respect for others.

Courage - mental, moral and physical strength. What gives you the strength to do what is right.

Commitment - the spirit of dedication and determination.  It's what binds us together.

So if you looked at your significant other like a Marine looked at his "job" I think we might all be better off for it.  Putting them before yourself, never compromising what is right and being fully committed to the relationship. It's really quite simple!

Now how do we get there? Bootcamp for love to follow - stay tuned!!! Everything from "making your rack" to "PT'ing" every morning.

happily,
kim

Avoiding the Three Year Glitch

Well we are getting faster in EVERY area of our lives so why wouldn't it be true when it comes to relationships? The new 4G phone, not good enough, when will 5G be ready? How many megabytes can I move per second? How many meetings can I fit into a day? How many emails can send before my flight? Everything is better, faster, smaller, more convenient, more accessible. So it shouldn't come as a surprise that would eventually seep into our personal lives.  Reuters reported on Tuesday that 67% of the 2000 people surveyed in this British study said the 36 month mark was the turning point when "cute" transitioned to "annoying". That little drop of toothpaste on the counter every morning started out as endearing but today it just ruined my black sweater. You are no longer on your best behavior, excusing yourself to belch or picking up your socks when you leave the living room and now you've been together long enough to share the financials.  Over the last several months the pounds started to creep on and suddenly ice cream has been more appealing at night then sex? Sound familiar?

It's human nature to become comfortable over time with your significant other. In fact, it's a good thing to get to a certain level of comfort. But take it too far and you risk becoming less desirable. The number one  reason stated for the "3 year glitch"? Weight gain.

We may not want to revert back to our Zach Morris cell phone or tube TV but this is one area of our lives that we need to work on slowing down a bit. My tips for keeping the 3 Year Glitch at bay -

              
* Take care of yourself.  Keep your wardrobe up to date, your hairstyle flattering and the extra pounds off.
* Appreciate each other. Spend time together, sans Blackberry or iPhone. Equally important, spend time with your own friends and hobbies, don't wait for a Hall Pass to get out and do your own thing!
* Be considerate.
* Remember why you fell in love in the first place.

And most of all remember relationships are work but most things worthwhile are.

happily,
Kim

Love Letters

This morning on the Today Show Jenna Bush explores the long lost art of the "love letter".  Now love letters are more like "love texts" or "love emails" which are still wonderful but there is something incredibly romantic about when someone takes the time to put pen to paper and tell you how much they love you.  She interviews her grandparents who were separated by a war and had to communicate this way.  It was this communication that keep them together and helped their love grow.  After 66 years of marriage they still write letters and President Bush still asks "Bar" to be his Valentine. I remember "mail call" from my days in the service and especially remember the feeling of getting a "love letter".  There isn't the instant gratification that comes with hitting "send/receive" - you actually have to wait.  These letters travel planes, trains and automobiles (literally) to remote places around the world. They are beaten and frayed but the message is still so sweet.  A world away I'm still thinking of you...

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

If you enjoyed this you might also enjoy one of my favorite books, I love you, Ronnie. The Love Letters of Ronald Regan to Nancy Reagan.  It's an amazing collection of letters that Ronald Reagan wrote to Nancy while he was on the road - your heart will be full and you will be so inspired to pick up a pen and tell your significant other how you feel, the old fashioned way.

Unattached on Valentine's Day?

The BIG day is fast approaching and I know anxiety can run high.  New couples are wondering how big of a deal to make of it.  Veteran couples are wondering how to make this year stand out from year's past. But singles are either one of two things 1) glad to not have to deal with the drama or 2) painfully aware of their status.  The truth of it is though, it's just a Hallmark holiday.  And although I love the pink & red heart decor that comes with the big day (not to mention the candy) it really is just another day.  I would think of it like this - if you are in a relationship use it to celebrate that fact.

If you are "unattached" don't sweat it.  And remember it's on a Monday so you could blow it off all together. However, if the idea of going home to Spot and watching The Bachelor makes you want to pour rubbing alcohol in your eyes. Then get moving! Hit the gym after work, go for a run, meet a friend for tennis or golf. Go out for happy hour with friends or even dinner but skip the romantic restaurants. Whatever you do remember:
1) Look your best
2) Be bubbly, friendly and outgoing
3) Don't get sloshed and cry about all of your failed relationships
4) Flirt with strangers
5) Have a good time

A more active approach -

Run a 10k - The Valentine's Day 10k on Coronado is an inaugural event but I'm positive with 1500 runners an after party at McP's Irish Pub and your's truly as a sponsor it will most certainly be a success.  They say natural rush of endorphins is a sure way to attract a mate and wouldn't you want to meet someone who is active?

Volunteer - giving back always makes you feel better, boosting your confidence and thus making you more attractive. And what's better than delivering flowers and making other people's Valentine's Days special?
http://www.volunteersandiego.org/HOC__Volunteer_Opportunity_Details_Page?startURL=HOC__Volunteer_Opportunity_Details_Page%3FId=a0CA0000007zeSHMAYA@A&id=a0CA0000007zeSHMAY

Oh and give your friend or your mom a Valentine.  It just makes you feel good :)

Happy Valentine's Day!
Kim

Pub, ah Love Crawl for Valentine's Day? Why not...

Whether you're attached or unattached this event should be a good time!  This Sunday come join the East Village Business Association as they "walkabout" the neighborhood, decked in heart pins made by yours truly and sampling some East Village's finest food and beverages.  All restaurants will be offering complimentary Love Bites and Happy Hour pricing.  This event is sure to be a blast!

The Tour -

* 4-5pm Zanzibar
* 5-6pm Lotus Thai
* 6-7pm Wine Steals
* 8-9pm The Village @ 631

And the cost? Only $5.

RSVP - RSVP@eastvillagesandiego.com

Anthology's Weekend of Love...

What says romance better than live music? Guessing maybe the genre is important here -  metal rock and gangsta rap are not so romantic? But jazz or big band -  now we're talking!  Combine great music with incredible food and an amazing venue and you, my friend,  have planned the perfect evening for your date! It's my personal belief that Anthology is one of downtown's best kept secrets or maybe misconceptions.  When I hear people rattle off great music venues I regularly hear House of Blues, Belly Up and The Casbah but rarely do I hear Anthology. Folks I have to tell you, you are missing out.  They have one of the hottest chefs in town, an amazing multi-level venue and are booked with incredible talent almost every night of the week.  Perhaps it's their location that is their downfall - a bit off the beaten path of the rest of downtown's hot spots.  All that says to me is better parking!  Or maybe when people here "jazz club" they think stuffy suits, red carpet walls and a smoke filled room (although we are in California) - these are all sad misconceptions. 

View of stage & levels at Anthology

The Weekend of Love line-up:

February 11th - Michael Franks

February 12th - Motown Revue

February 13th - Taboo Band - A Tribute to Sada

Valentine's Day - Big Band Sinatra & a special Prix Fix 3 or 4 course menu which includes a champagne toast.

I truly believe that love is in the air this year at Anthology. 

For tickets and complete details , see Anthology's website.