New Year’s Resolutions

I’m not a fan, never have been. Honestly, I think I have made one every year for as long as I can remember. Lose five pounds, get my MBA, qualify for the Boston Marathon, or get more involved in the community. I have to say the only one on that list that I haven’t accomplished yet (ok, I could probably lose five pounds this year too) is the MBA. But I didn’t accomplish any of them because they were a New Year’s resolution. It was because I set goals. I know you are thinking “Kim, semantics, please, they are the same thing.” I would argue they are not. When I set a goal I create a plan to achieve it, a deadline for achieving and have a known outcome. To me a resolution is a just a fluffy idea that floats out there but as soon as the hard work of reaching that goal sets in – it quickly drifts away.

Now why on earth is a matchmaker writing about goals and resolutions? Think about how you became successful. One NYE did you decide you would become an attorney/doctor/banker? My guess is no. My guess is you had a vision of what you wanted, set a goal and put a plan in place. Which brings me to meeting the love of your life – it’s the same approach. Are you getting home late from work, gym, board meetings, etc and plopping down on the sofa thinking to yourself I am tired of doing it all alone. I don’t want to bring in 2011 by myself – I want to meet someone. A client said to me the other day he wished he could order a pizza and the woman of his dreams would deliver it. She would just knock on his door and the search would be over. It’s the male equivalent to a knight in shining armor appearing – it’s not going to happen. You have to get out there and meet new people. You have to put yourself out there. You have to work at it. Or hire a matchmaker.



happily,

Kim

Holidaze

I read recently that "stress and intimacy are virtually incompatible". 

Happy Holidays! This is one of my favorite times of year - I love the lights, the parties, and the gifts! I tend to be able to keep my stress level relatively low.  However, it took me years to figure this out and I realize that I am the exception not the rule.  The stress of the places you need to be, all the gifts you need to buy and frankly we are not out of the woods yet of one of the worst economic meltdowns since the Great Depression. Money may be a little tighter than in years past. All of this can wear on you and how you interact with your significant other.  Just try to keep it light and remember the new year is around the corner! Try not to take it out on your partner and really try to remember the spirit of it all...and when in doubt pour some bubbly and know "this too shall pass."

happily,
kim

Weekend Date Ideas for San Diego!

Just a quick list of date ideas for this weekend -

December Nights in Balboa Park

Ice Skating at Horton Plaza or The Hotel del Coronado    

Jerry Seinfeld - Live in Concert!

Bonnie & Clyde - La Jolla Playhouse

How the Grinch Stole Christmas - The Old Globe Theatre

Just a few ideas!! Remember to have fun & keep it light!

happily,
kim

The Break-Up

Now why you ask would a matchmaker decide to write about breaking up?!?!   It could be purely a numbers thing - they are more common then happily ever after. I am really not trying to be negative I am just saying that I have had to say "this is not going to work" or "it's not you, it's me" (kidding) more than I have said "this is it, he's the one" or even "I love you". Or it could be that I was inspired by yet another public break up on Sunday at the Chargers game (BEFORE the end of the game and they left the stadium and we have amazing seats!).
Whatever the reason, the fact of the matter is...they happen. In fact, Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn even made a movie about it called (oddly) The Break-Up. My point is EVERYONE can relate and no one is immune. Sunny & Cher, Princess Di & Prince Charles, Henry VII & Catherine of Aragon, Brad & Jennifer...the list goes on and on.

How not to do it -

If you have been dating for more than a few weeks, have the bollucks to do it live and not publicly!

Facebook - remember the man who left his wife via a status update.
Text message or Email
Post-it - remember when Berger dumped Carrie on Sex & the City

Now what?

Some would say this is where men & women differ. Guys head straight to a strip club or a bar with their buddies and the "incident" is never mentioned. Girls tend to surround themselves with their girlfriends watch romantic comedies, drink wine (or bubbly) and eat chocolate. They typically talk about it - mostly the friends tell her how great she is and what a HUGE mistake the guy is making or how INCREDIBLY miserable he is going to be.

I wish I had a checklist for this one but I don't - there is really no right way to do it, no perfect way to handle it (Fatal Attraction is not the answer) and there isn't really a timeline for when you will move on. Just know you will!

happily,
kim

First Date Convo's...

Some people LOVE first dates but they are not the majority.  I honestly can say I usually really enjoy them - I love meeting new people and learning about them. Knowing that I am in the minority I thought I would jot down a few ideas for those who might find it daunting...

I think there are a few key principles to keep in mind before I even start on my list:
a) Whatever the topic - keep it light!
b) Ask a lot of questions but this is not a job interview...show that you are genuinely interested but make sure you are also listening (I think this is the part some struggle with...).

Sample Topics -

• Travel
• Family, childhood, where you grew up
• Favorite restaurants in town (you could find a new favorite!)
• Ask about their friends and what they like to do in their free time
• Career

You can always try these unique conversation starters that make me laugh.

Dangerous Territory -

• Discussing past relationships.
• Showing too much enthusiasm with regards to marriage & children (wanting or not wanting them).
• Sharing too much information about your dysfunctional family.
• Getting into a heated discussion about politics or religion.

We all want to be a closer but fellas please...pay attention to the signals...

...happily, kim