On Boyfriends by Taylor Swift...

On Ellen....I'm paraphrasing...I really like this conversation.  I'm a sucker for romantics...

Ellen - "does your boyfriend like the way it smells? (discussing Taylor's new perfume, Wunderstruck)"    

Taylor - "I don't have a boyfriend, I keep you telling you that. I just don't. I don't even have a kinda boyfriend.  I sit by myself and watch Law and Order. Not even a guy I text with that might someday turn into a boyfriend. Nothing."

Ellen - "that's pathetic"

Taylor - "I don't want to be that girl that has a constant stream of boyfriends...I wanna be the girl that when she meets a guy and falls in love it's rare and it's a big deal"

Ellen - "you're a good role model....take it from me you don't need boys..."

Age - Is it just a number?

In the age of "Cougars" and "Pumas" and when the Demi Moore's, Courtney Cox's and Jennifer Aniston's (remember, John Mayer) of Hollywood are making the older woman/younger man scenario look hot...is it?  Traditionally, it's always been widely accepted that men date younger - biologically it just makes sense.  A 40-something guy may not want the risk involved with a 40-something woman.  From a maturity perspective it also makes sense - guys, I think it's common knowledge that we ladies just mature faster.

But is this really a "Rule" that we have to stick with?  Can women successfully date, love and eventually marry a younger man?  I mean, you can't help who you fall in love with, right?

So I went out asking...

My (Male) neighbor's rule - "I think you can go 5 years in either direction until the age of 40 and then you can go 10.  After 60, he says there are no rules, you just take what you can get."

Local (Female) Journalist Friend - "10 years over, 2 years under. Men mature slower!"

Local Dating Coach Loxie Gant - "It's all about LIFE STAGE, not age."

This got me thinking some more...my idol, the lady I used to skip school for as a kid (so that I could "study" to be as funny as she was), Lucille Ball fell madly in love with and married a younger man, Desi Arnaz.  A love that lasted over 50 years (the marriage was admittedly not so great, alcohol and infidelity took it's toll).

I'm open to thoughts on this one.  Can it really work?  I think I might be coming around on this one...

happily,
kim

First Date...Don't Forget the Basics...

It never hurts to brush up on your first date etiquette before the big date - putting your best foot forward and helping you score the one! 

Cliff Notes (do they still make them?) version -

•        Keep it simple and short – if you like each other that’s why there’s a second date.
•        No cursing (usually it’s my guys that do this one and it’s the f-bomb that I get complaints about),    no talk about the ex’s and don’t get into any conversation that is too serious.
•        A drink or two is fine but don’t get sloshed.
•        The guy should set up the date and pay (and the girl should do the obligatory “reach”).
•        Flirt, have fun and go into EVERY date with an open mind.
•       Turn off your Blackberry, iPhone, Android, iPad…whatever your digital addiction is...
•        Save sex for when you are monogamous. 

Single Mama

So you're ready to get back out there, you're over your ex, you've rediscovered you and you are just READY.  This is a big step, venturing back into the unknown, flirting, online dating, dating services, blind dates, bad dates, first kisses but this is just the norm for a single gal.  If you're a single mama you have even more hurdles - little people depend on you. They depend on you literally to get places and do things but emotionally as well and this can quite easily be the hardest part.

What are the new "rules"? Well now you have your mama-gut instinct to follow but just a few bits of advice:

* Don't forget to make YOU a priority.
* Take time to "flip the switch" from mom to hot date.
* Be totally honest with the guys you date.
* Don't introduce the kids too soon and force a "playing house" scenario.
* Stay in the present - enjoy dating and have a good time.  Try not to fast forward to your personal "Brady Bunch" scenario.

The best part about being a single mom and not just a single woman is you have things figured out the other gals don't.  You are not battling your own biological clock. You know what you want and you know what your priorities are.

Finding Love a Comic Con

I am not a comic book fan. I have not seen every Batman movie or even every Superman move (I think there are fewer).  But I LOVE Comic Con.  Truth be told, I have never actually been inside - I do not have the foresight to purchase tickets 7 months in advance and within a 2 hour window.

But I LOVE Comic Con. I love the people watching. I love how the entire city of San Diego transforms into a series of video games and characters I've never even heard of. I LOVE the passion. I love that people come from all over the world to celebrate, for all intensive purposes, cartoons.

If you're a SciFi geek or Comic Book nerd (used affectionately, of course) this is your weekend to shine!  And more importantly, find that special someone that shares the same passion as you.  How does one navigate this maze of people to not only find someone who is single but who underneath the costume you might actually like?

The keys to meet your Comic Match are in your outfit and where you go!  First of all, if you've got it, flaunt it! Wonder Woman is hot, confident and really says you are not screwing around!  And I have no idea who this "Angel of Fire" is but she looks pretty rocking to me.  Just remember, your costume should be a reflection of your personality.  This is key to conveying who you are before even meeting someone - this way, the right people approach you!


Where you go?  I'm talking after parties and hot spots around town.  Lou & Mickey's & Donovan's are outfitted with video games so if that's your thing I would head to a spot like that. Fluxx is a local night club featuring Snoop Dogg tonight. Even Basic is retrofitted for the occasion. And take advantage of all that time waiting in line at the expo! Strike up a conversation with strangers - even ones you might not think you are attracted to.  You just never know!

Naturally shy or introverted? Use some witty one-liners to get the conversation started! Such as -
* Are you always dressed as the Green Lantern or do you sometimes don the Superman get-up?
* If you were a superhero, who would you be? (Use only on someone NOT dressed as a superhero.)
* Have you checked out the giant Smurf? Think Smurfette is pissed she's not here?
* Do you always wear a cloak and carry a wand or only when you're off to fight Voldamort?

Most importantly...have fun, talk to strangers and take lots of pictures!!!

Love is a Marathon, Not a Sprint

I know what you're thinking...I am missing running SO much that it is now flooding my thought process completely. I am using some weak attempt to tie together dating and running.  Perhaps, but hear me out.

As a society, we tend to get wrapped up in the end result.  Which makes sense as we are measured in so many ways by results - at work, we have goals and most of us try to achieve them.  In running, we set a goal and then train to meet or exceed even it.  In short, we decide (or someone decides for us) that we want something and the expectation of results is created.

Usually there is a timeline but most of us want things now.  The 40 yard dash version, not the marathon version.  Now go outside and run a 40 yard dash and then tomorrow go outside and run a marathon - tell me how you feel at the end of each of them.  The dash is exhilarating, fun, gets your blood pumping and makes you feel great! Sure, you push yourself but you know you can get through it without working too hard. Tell me you feel the same about the marathon and I will call you a liar or you have a shot at the Olympics. It takes month of work - building up slowly, getting through rough patches where your body and mind are completely beat down and then the anticipation building up to the big day.  Not to mention the nerves the night before - the uncertainty of what lies ahead.  And the hard work pays off but not without even more WORK.  But in the end, it's totally worth it. It's this crazy emotional, physical, awesome journey that makes you feel incredible.  You realize all the work was totally worth it the second you hear your name called and your chip beep for the last time as you cross the finish line.  You swagger over to get your medal and water (or beer) to celebrate. The feeling is like non-other.  It's love. Your 40 yard dash was lust.

True love doesn't happen over night. It isn't made with a kiss or a diamond.  Or happen instantly after some really amazing event or major hurdle (the plot of most every rom-com).  It takes work and sacrifice and communication and all kinds of things that sound about as fun as training for four months for a marathon.  But somehow it's what we all crave and in the end it's totally worth it.

happily,
kim

What's Love Got To Do With It

Yesterday was the first time I've been to church in YEARS, excluding Easter and Christmas which for some reason I don't really count.  When I lived in Encinitas I went to church nearly every Sunday.  Moved to East Village and suddenly I turned into some bar scene heathen.  I had the best of intentions to find a new church but six years later I realized I never checked that off my to-do list.  Why am I rambling on about church when my title CLEARLY has something to do with Tina Turner?!?!?!?

Because that was the subject of the sermon yesterday which I found oddly ironic and as a warm sign to my heart that this was where I was supposed to be.  On any given day "love" occupies a majority of my thoughts because it's my goal in life to help as many people as I can find it.  But lately and much more selfishly, it has been on my mind because I want to find it for myself.  Yes, maybe there is some truth to those who can't do, teach (as made evident by my math teacher girlfriend who sometimes screws up splitting the check or calculating days left until x-event happens).  However, I am not interested in some tragic story about a matchmaker who can't find love for herself. I want the happy ending as badly for myself as I do for my clients.  So as much as I was hoping for THE "Private Dancer" to come "rollin" through those chapel doors I was quite happy for a pastor who was celebrating 46 years of marriage to offer his advice and 1st Corinthians on Love.

I'm sure that even those of you who are not regulars at your local chapel, have attended a wedding or two that's recited 1 Corinthians 13.  I promise I will not attempt to be a pastor or become "preachy" but wanted to share what I learned I needed to work on in the hopes that it might help with your own path to finding love.

Patience - well I have none. I am ready damnit - I made up my mind and now would like for the stars to align and my future husband to please show up already.  I am pretty sure most can relate to being impatient. This will probably be a weakness I have to work on for the rest of my life.

Envy - this is a tough one to admit. I want what others have. I want someone to take care of me when I'm sick (or just had surgery). I want someone to go to the Farmer's Market with on Saturday morning. I want a running partner, a "plus 1" for all of the weddings I attend and mostly someone there for me to be my biggest fan. And I want to be all of these things and more for them.  The funny thing is I have all of these things - they are called, friends. But what is "envious" and difficult to admit is I want what my friends have. In order to love, I must let envy go.

And it will all be worth it because, "the greatest of these is love".

happily,
kim